Hey Gelflings

There’s A Party At My Cave And You’re All Invited!

by SkekSil the Chamberlain

SkekSil, from Jim Henson's The Dark Crystal, which you completely rememberHi there Gelflings! How ya doing? SkekSil the Chamberlain here. You know, ever since I was defeated in ritual combat by SkekUng the Garthim Master and cast out of the Castle of the Crystal, I’ve been pretty lonely. And kind of chilly. They ripped off my ceremonial robes and exiled me, naked and shivering, into the wilderness. When you’ve got a BMI like mine, you need insulation against the cold.

So I’ve tidied up this cave here in the ruins of the Gelfling city and I think it’s looking pretty choice. I just need to clear out some roots, sweep away a few ancient Gelfling bones, maybe put down a Podling hide rug — this place is going to be swinging.

Woah! Who invited the Garthim? Back off, Garthim. You never met a party you didn’t just trash.

See? I sent the Garthim away so we could hang. It’s like I always say: “Gelfling… Skeksis… frieeeeennnds.” That’s always been my extremely unconvincing motto.

I know that you’re standing in the ruins of the city of your ancestors right now. And I know that we were the ones who exterminated your kind. But that’s only because we like to party really hard! Back then, we didn’t realize that piercing you with swords and tearing you apart and setting you on fire was just too hardcore for your delicious, tender Gelfling bodies. I think we’ve learned from our past mistakes and are ready to party, Gelfling-style.

So why don’t you come in, and I’ll take you back to the Castle and regain favour with the Emperor when he chains you to the wall and drains your life essence? Wait, that came out wrong. I mean — why don’t I get you guys high? That whole ‘drain your life essence’ thing is just Skeksis slang for drugs. What do you say? I’ve got some awesome records and a big fat bowl of ‘Kidnap the Gelflings’ just waiting inside.

Wait! Come back! Frieeeeennnnds! Ah, screw you little freaks.

2013-06-27