The Midnight Clipper

Queen City Confidential | by Anonymous

So it’s midnight and I’m out on the patio having a smoke with the cat when a red car, maybe a Toyota, pulls up beside the fence. I figure someone is stopping to check their cell phone, but no — an elderly lady, white haired and carrying a shopping bag, gets out and starts walking towards the front of the house. This is odd enough behaviour to pique my curiosity so I get up and watch her go into the front yard. I can’t tell what she’s doing there but I figure, what damage can a five-foot-tall elderly lady possibly do? Anyway, she finishes in the front yard and then starts walking back to the car when she spots the Tiger Lillies growing at the side of the house. She stops, gets out her clippers and starts clipping off flowers and putting them in the shopping bag. She’s building a bouquet!!! Out of our flowers!!!

I didn’t say anything because she wasn’t taking a bunch and I’m sure she never saw me, but I thought what a weird thing to be doing at midnight. Then again, I’m out there having a smoke with the cat. To each their own I guess.


LILY LIFTER STILL AT LARGE  Queen City Confidential is an open forum for Prairie Dog readers to anonymously share their petty rants, workplace gripes, romantic woes and nocturnal anthropology. E-mail your submission to [email protected] (type CONFIDENTIAL in the subject field). Change everyone’s names and identifying details. Submissions must be 100–200 words and from your own damn yard.