Ghostbusters smashes glass ceilings with small puffs of wind
Film by Megan Seling
Ghostbusters
Cineplex
All those innocent men crying into their keyboards over the injustice of having to stand by and watch in horror as the reputation of their beloved childhood film is disgraced with not only a remake, but a remake featuring a headlining cast of all women, have finally been vindicated. Why? Because Ghostbusters 2016 goes too far.
A movie once so pure that the most horrific villain was still only as brutal as a large puffy marshmallow could be, has forever been tainted … by a vagina fart.
THE HORROR! Imagine the absolute disgust that unsuspecting men everywhere will feel when they hear what may be a queef! This is what they were warning us about all this time, through their army of anonymous Twitter eggs!
When did safe spaces for men become so undervalued? When did we, as a society, allow this to happen? And when will it end? Will there be more instances of rabid women wrapping their air-spurting labia around other unsuspecting childhood memories, strangling the rose-colored life out of them?
YUP, THERE SURE WILL BE, YOU PETULANT, WOMAN-HATING CRETINS. Because in all seriousness, Ghostbusters 2016 is every bit as good as Ghostbusters 1984, and the fact that it stars four women — the hilarious Melissa McCarthy, Kristen Wiig, Leslie Jones and Kate McKinnon — is barely even worth discussing, let alone fretting over.
Erin Gilbert, Abby Yates, Jillian Holtzmann and Patty Tolan — this generation’s Peter Venkman, Ray Stantz, Egon Spengler and Winston Zeddemore — are also super-smart scientists and supernatural enthusiasts who band together to save New York City from an onslaught of spooky monsters that have been unleashed by a humanity-hating genius. These Ghostbusters don’t hate men and they don’t shove feminism down your throat. These women are what every men’s rights activist fears: normal human beings who do normal human things, like dance to pop songs, order takeout and invent badass nuclear weapons to defeat Class 5 full-roaming vapors.
Some comedic bits hang on a little too long and the references to the original flick felt a little on-the-nose at times, but ultimately there are no crimes the original didn’t also commit. In fact, Ghostbusters 2016’s final action scene truly benefits from advancements in special effects — watching the small cartoon ghost evolve into the final giant beast, the way Stay Puft did in 1984, was absolutely thrilling, thanks to modern animation.
And McKinnon — oh, McKinnon. To her, extra-special attention must be paid. Saying little more than a sentence at a time, the SNL cast member steals every scene with a nuanced comedic genius rarely seen (and rarely appreciated) in an industry drenched with slapstick and dick-jokes. Just as Bill Murray can deliver a punchline simply by ever-so-slightly tilting his head forward, McKinnon can shift her eyes, curl one corner of her mouth or mumble only two words to make a packed theater burst into thunderous laughter.
So are you one of the crybabies screaming about how wretched it is to see — blech —women fill the role of your childhood heroes? Well, did you know there’s a LEGO Ghostbusters movie, too? ARE YOU MAD THAT ANIMATED PLASTIC BUILDING BLOCKS ARE ALSO SHITTING ALL OVER YOUR PRECIOUS MEMORIES? NO, YOU ARE NOT.
So sit down, shut up and enjoy the movie. Or stay home and be cranky about it. You’re missing out on a very entertaining 116 minutes. And a queef joke.
This review originally in the Nashville Scene. Follow Megan on twitter: @mseling.
