What Just Happened?

News & Horrors from the last two weeks

News | by Stephen Whitworth

Hello and welcome back to Regina’s greatest bi-weekly news round-up (which also happens to be this city’s only bi-weekly news round-up). An awful lot happened here and in the world in the last 14 days, and while I can’t remember all of it (in fact, I can hardly remember any of it), I do recall a few arbitrary bits. Besides, if journalism is a first draft of history as [Internet search] journalist Alan Barth wrote in 1943 [thanks, Slate!], then there are bound to be omissions and possibly the odd typo. So let’s not sweat it.

Here’s a pretty random re-cap of the news that happened in the last few weeks.

DON McMORRIS IS GUILTY

As expected, Sask Party MLA and former deputy premier and booze ‘n’ gambling minister Don McMorris pleaded guilty on Sept. 7 to drunk driving. The CBC reported that the former minister blew almost double the legal limit while driving a government car, which, you know, is really not too good. McMorris had his licence suspended and was fined $1,820. In a compassionately-worded statement, acting Opposition leader Trent Wotherspoon called for McMorris to resign his seat. As of the time of this writing, McMorris has [checks Internet] not resigned.

DING DONG, A WITCH IS DEAD

Awful American anti-feminist Phyllis Schlafly passed away on Sept. 5 after haunting this world for a seemingly-endless 92 years. Maybe it won’t mean much to most people, but if you’re old you might remember how, back in the 70s and 80s, Schlafly was one of those highly-effective conservative creeps with a knack for picking the least moral side of every major civil rights issue: abortion access, the Equal Rights Amendment, AIDs research funding at the height of the crisis, you name it. Unfortunately Schlafly was amazingly good at what she did and the United States remains a more toxic place because of her. It might not be an overstatement to say she, more than anyone else, laid the groundwork for the Reagan revolution, which rolled back many of the gains ordinary Americans had won in the previous 50 years. She won’t be missed, but yeah, the damage is kind of done.

JOHN TORTORELLA IS A DOUCHE

Former Vancouver Canucks coach and current bench boss of my (inexplicablky) favourite hockey team, The Columbus Blue Jackets, was such a total douche in the last couple of weeks. Following a high-profile incident where San Francisco 49ers quarterback Colin Kaepernick refused to stand for the National Anthem in solidarity with all the black people U.S. police keep shooting, Tortorella—who is also the coach of Team USA in this year’s World Cup Of Hockey, said he’d bench any player who didn’t stand for the anthem. ““There is no chance an anthem and a flag should come into any type of situation where you are trying to make a point,” said Tortorella, who apparently is some kind of super-genius who can condense complicated social-political inequities like massive gaps between the rich and the poor and out-of-control racism in a country that’s so deranged it might elect Donald Trump as it’s next president down to a sound bite. I can’t find the quote, but I believe it was Michael Arace from the Columbus Dispatch who made the smart observation about how comfortable Torts has always been exercising his own free-speech rights. Hopefully this idiot will zip it on this topic and focus on what he’s good at —trying to start fist fights with other NHL coaches.

DEAD DOGS

You don’t want to read about it and I don’t want to write about it, so how about we just share a moment thinking of the beloved pets who perished after a Sept. 10 heating accident in the Saskatoon kennel they were being boarded at. Also, maybe it’s time for some regulations.