In the latest issue, I put together “The Ultimate Holiday-Themed End-of-the-World Playlist” (which I’d actually titled “The Ultimate End-of-the-World-Themed Holiday Playlist” but Steve changed it). In fact, it’s a selection of the Christmas music I was playing already and I just slapped an apocalypse skin on top of it.
And seeing as it’s the holiday home stretch, I thought I’d post it here….
After the jump, the track listing and a whole bunch of 70s neckbeard.
“Joy To The World”
Lalo Schifrin, The President’s Analyst Soundtrack (1967)
A light bossa rhythm lifted from a 60s political satire to ease you into the world’s imminent doom.
“I Can Tell When Christmas Is Near”
Smokey Robinson and the Miracles, Season for Miracles (1970)
A line like “I can tell when Christmas is near / ’cause every house is warm as summer time” takes on a new meaning if you expect the apocalypse will be climate related.
“I Bought You A Plastic Star For Your Aluminum Tree”
Michael Franks, Watching the Snow (2003)
“That snowflake in Hell has more chance to stay mellow than me,” sings Michael Franks about the experience of holiday shopping. Just think how he’ll feel as fiery space death rains from the skies.
“Baby It’s Cold Outside”
Sammy Davis Jr. and Carmen McRae, Boy Meets Girl (1957)
Shorter version of this song: “It’s unpleasant out there. Let’s have sex.” Good advice in snow storms. Or when zombies are roaming the streets.
“A Five Pound Box Of Money”
Pearl Bailey, Hipster’s Holiday (1999)
Not that currency will do much good post-apocalypse. Still, Pearl’s focus on practical concerns is something we can all learn from.
“Party For Santa Claus”
Lord Nelson, Mas! A Christmas Album (1992)
Apocalypse or no, this is mandatory holiday listening.
“Numbah One Day of Christmas”
Hawaii Calls Orchestra, Merry Hawaiian Christmas (1974)
Many consider “12 Days Of Christmas” to be the most tedious holiday song. Here’s a Hawaiian reimagining that will still help your last few minutes drag.
“Close Your Mouth (It’s Christmas)”
The Free Design, Stars/Time/Bubbles/Love (1970)
Pretty sure the first line of this song is, “Close your mouth except to scream.”
“Merry Christmas Everybody”
Slade, Wall of Hits (1991)
When the end of the world comes, you’re going to want to be played out by Slade. Trust me. “So here it is, merry Christmas /Everybody’s having fun. /Look to the future now /It’s only just begun…”