Apocalypse Preview: Signs

So I walked to the office this afternoon because if the world’s ending at 6:00 I need to be at my post. With just a few minutes to go, here’s where we’re sitting.

First, I spoke to a couple of downtown service industry workers. One barista, who I’ll call “R”, had just started her shift. She said she hadn’t seen any signs of trouble, and no one had mentioned anything to her about the world ending. Then I talked to “J”, a server/bartender at a well-known downtown pub, who said everything seemed okay there.  Calm before the storm?

Next, I checked the Internet and at first glance it looked like nothing was happening. Many experts thought the Apocalypse would happen at six p.m. local time and sweep across the globe like a date change on New Year’s Eve, but there haven’t been reports of the earth boiling and the sky raining helltoads. Is it all a hoax? Well, first off, I’m pretty sure any all-powerful deity orchestrating a Rapture could cloud the minds of us humans so we wouldn’t know what’s happening east of us. In fact that’s exactly what you’d expect, if you thought about it for a minute.

Second, if you look closely, the signs are clear that something is happing! For example:

1.) There is great turmoil in the Middle East.

2.)  Licentiousness and wickedness! Everywhere!

3.) A volcano is erupting! Right now! It just started today! And it’s name is “Grimsvotn”! I AM NOT MAKING THIS UP, PEOPLE!!!!!

Taken together, well, it’s obvious something is going down. News like this doesn’t just “happen” for no reason. And that’s all I’ve got to say.

Want to know more? Read stuff here.

Good luck to us all.

Author: Stephen Whitworth

Prairie Dog editor Stephen Whitworth will never, ever pass up a chance to make a Breakin' 2: Electric Boogaloo pun.

1 thought on “Apocalypse Preview: Signs”

  1. I can’t wait for the goody two shoes editor and contributors to get Raptured the fuck outta here!

    Prairie Dog will belong to Seanbot and EEEEEEEEEEEEEVIL!

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