The June 24 edition of the Herald Scotland had a report on the state of Louisiana issuing publicly funded vouchers for the coming school year that will allow thousands of children to attend private schools where they will learn that Scotland’s Loch Ness monster is real. The schools follow a fundamentalist curriculum that includes the Accelerated Christian Education (ACE) program, which aims to disprove evolution and prove creationism. One of its tenets is that if dinosaurs lived the same time as humans, then Darwinism is flawed. One ACE biology textbook declares that scientists are becoming more convinced that dinosaurs are alive today, explaining that the Loch Ness monster “has been recorded on sonar from a small submarine, described by eyewitnesses and photographed by others. Nessie appears to be a plesiosaur.” Another claim is that a Japanese whaling boat once caught a dinosaur: “It’s unclear if the movie Godzilla was the inspiration for this lesson,” the article stated. Scotland’s position is that such teaching is good for tourism. Nessie expert Tony Drummond, who leads Loch Ness tours, called it “Christian propaganda” and “ridiculous,” but urged pupils at the Louisiana schools “to come and investigate the loch for themselves.” (Scotland’s The Herald)

BEWARE THE BOG BEAR

When a 65-year-old man who was camping with a friend in Ontario went into a wooden outhouse and left the door open, a black bear dragged him from the outhouse, bit him on his head and neck, and slashed his arms, neck and head. According to provincial police Sgt. David Pinchin, the man’s friend heard the commotion and shot the bear. “He was on the john,” the victim’s son said after his father was treated for his wounds. “He’s scratched up pretty bad.” (Winnipeg Free Press)

DUDE LIKES HIS BEAR

Charles Marshall, 28, was arrested for the fourth time in the past two years for having sex with a teddy bear after employees at a Cincinnati health clinic spotted him pleasuring himself in an alley. His first arrest occurred in February 2010, when witnesses reported he engaged “with a teddy bear in the men’s bathroom” at a Hamilton County public library. He was arrested in November 2010 for “masturbating w/a stuffed animal (teddy bear)” and in August 2011 for “masturbating using a teddy bear in a public place where minors were likely to be present.” (The Smoking Gun)

FROM BEARS TO BOOM

After exploding toilets injured at least 14 people, the U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission announced a recall of the Sloan Flushmate III Pressure-Assist Flushing System. The device uses air and water pressure to ensure a powerful flush but can burst inside toilet tanks, releasing stored pressure, which the CPSC said “can lift the tank lid and shatter the tank, posing impact or laceration hazards to consumers.” More than 300 of the units have burst in toilet tanks. (Reuters)

TRANCE TRAP

To celebrate the end of the term, a private girls’ school in Sherbooke, Quebec, hired hypnotist Maxime Nadeau to entertain a group of 12- and 13-year-old girls by putting some in a trance while others watched. When the show ended, several girls in the audience who’d fallen under Nadeau’s spell remained mesmerized. Nadeau, who received about 14 hours of instruction in basic hypnotism, couldn’t snap them out of it and had to call the hypnotist who trained him. Richard Whitbread, who drove an hour to Collège du Sacré-Coeur to release the girls, said he found several girls still under the effects of “mass hypnosis.” He made them think they were being re-hypnotized and then awakened them. School administrators said they learned after the fact that hypnosis isn’t recommended for people younger than 14 because they’re particularly susceptible to suggestion. (CBC)

FIRE ISLAND

When a Canadian tourist broke his foot while camping on a remote island in Norway, he waited for help for three days waiting to be discovered. When no help came, the 25-year-old man lit a fire, hoping the smoke would attract rescuers. It did, but not before the fire got out of control, burned down the man’s tent and then destroyed a large portion of the 178-square-mile island’s foliage. Two army helicopters and 20 firefighters were needed to douse the blaze. “It’s illegal to start this kind of fire,” said Joran Bugge, who led the rescue operation, “but in this case the police aren’t going to take any action.” (Daily Mail)

WHEN SUNSCREEN IGNITES

Brett Sigworth said that after he applied Banana Boat Sport Performance spray-on sunscreen while barbecuing, he went to move some of the charcoal briquettes around, and all of a sudden his body caught on fire. “I went into complete panic mode and screamed,” he recalled after being treated for second-degree burns. “I’ve never experienced pain like that in my life.” Banana Boat’s maker said it takes the matter “very seriously” and promised “a prompt investigation.” (CBS News)

HOMELAND INSECURITY

Citing a report by the National Counter Terrorism Center that terrorist attacks killed 17 U.S. civilians in 2011 and 15 the year before, The Atlantic magazine noted that Americans “are as likely to be killed by their own furniture as by terrorism.” Since Sept. 11, 2001, 238 civilians have died from terrorist attacks, whereas 293 Americans died from furniture falling on them. (The Atlantic)

“STUPIDITYNESS”

Despite extreme fire danger and risk of wildfires that prompted nearby towns and villages to ban the use of aerial fireworks, Mayor Bryan Olguin of Peralta, New Mexico, refused to join them. His wife runs a fireworks stand where fire officials said aerial fireworks are sold. “I’m selling them because when somebody’s starting a fire from fireworks, it’s usually from irresponsibility,” Olguin said. “I can’t take responsibility for stupidityness.” (KOB-TV)

BLINDS JUSTICE

Thomas Molina, 38, broke into a community college in Albuquerque, New Mexico, according to police who rescued him after finding him tangled in window blinds. The frustrated burglar told them he was looking for computer equipment. (KRQE-TV)

Compiled from mainstream news sources by Roland Sweet