The chickens and their delicious wings can’t stop all of us
by Aidan Morgan
In my last column, you may recall that I wrote a letter to the chickens. I revealed the truth about what we do with their wings, and I gave them some useful information on the best places to eat them in Regina.
I thought the chickens would appreciate knowing how their sacrifice increased the happiness of humanity. I thought that maybe, just maybe, they would respect my honesty - and in time, come to think of me as a hero.
I thought wrong.
They came for me while I lay sleeping. They were surprisingly effective, abducting and transporting me to their funky-smelling chicken jail - despite their lack of wings and limited cognitive powers, they are ruthlessly single-minded.
Now I'm in a cell, being kept alive on chicken feed. They gave me some eggs, but it was soon clear that I was expected to sit on them and keep them warm, not eat them. I await trial in some crazy chicken court, which will doubtless be filled with angry squawking, floating pinfeathers, and beaks. Terrible sharp beaks.
If you're reading this, then I've managed to smuggle this letter out of jail by pinning it to the backs of my chicken guards (did I mention their limited cognitive powers?). I fear I am doomed. But you can strike a blow against chickendom on my behalf. How? By eating as many deep-fried wings coated in as many different sauces as you can manage. Here are my thoughts on a few more wing-spots I visited before my untimely capture.
2206 DEWDNEY AVENUE
Bushwakker might be best known for microbrewed beers but its kitchen produces some of the best pub food in the city. If I were slightly smaller, I'd make a bed out of their nest of fries and get the tastiest sleep of my life. Even better than their fries and nachos are their chicken wings ($10.95), which come in a variety of flavours - including the screaming hot Buffalo kind. I mistrust breaded wings but I don't mind Bushwakker's breading, which has a nice crunch. The kitchen has been known to make them with or without breading, anyway. Smart, Bushwakker. This round goes to you. (Open Monday to Thursday 11:00 a.m.-1:00 a.m.; Friday-Saturday 11:00 a.m.-2:00 a.m.)
BONZZINI'S BREW PUB
4634 ALBERT STREET
I chose a sleepy Sunday afternoon to try out Bonzzini's basket of wings ($11.95), which might have been a good choice: on Tuesday nights, when their chickens cluck at half price, the place becomes a screaming zoo of wing-chewing humanity. I tried Bonzzini's hot buffalo and sweet Thai wings, both of which agreed with me just fine. The sweet Thai still has a hint of spice about it, so I recommend them if you want a bit of heat without the standard Frank's Red Hot flavour. Fair warning, though: you will end up covered in sauce. (Open Monday to Saturday 11:00 a.m.-midnight; Sunday noon-11:00 p.m.)
BREWSTERS BREWING COMPANY & RESTAURANT
4180 ALBERT STREET
Did you know that Green Lantern's great weakness is the colour yellow? And that one time, Batman fought the Green Lantern by painting the Batcave yellow and then having Robin dress up in yellow to go beat the living hell out of Green Lantern? Tell me, what kind of superhero comes with such a ridiculous Achilles heel?
Anyway, this was the story that Steve Whitworth told me over an enormous pile of chicken bones at Brewsters. At only 35 cents per wing on Monday nights, four of us went a little overboard. Okay, we went a whole lot overboard. The rankings are as follows: #1, salt and pepper; #2, sweet chili (suspiciously like Bonzzini's sweet Thai); #3, hot!; #4, Bow Valley BBQ. The BBQ flavour tasted a little too tomatoey for me. Brewsters serves good wings - not exceptional, but satisfying. Their price is the main draw. (Open Monday to Wednesday 11:00 a.m.-1:30 a.m.; Thursday to Saturday 11:00 a.m.-2:00 a.m.; Sunday 9:30 a.m.-1:30 a.m.)
2534 QUANCE STREET OR 5548 ROCHDALE BOULEVARD
Maybe you don't want to venture outside to fix your wing issues? In that case, I recommend Panago Pizza's dry rub wings ($8 or $6 with a pizza). No breading, no sauce. Just tasty, tasty wings. My favourite flavour is the hot buffalo, which has a slight garlicky edge and goes really well with their jalapeno ranch dip. You may also want to try the tikka masala, which is probably the only curried wing you're going to get in Regina. (Open Sunday to Thursday: 11:00 a.m.-midnight; Friday to Saturday: 11:00 a.m.-1:00 a.m.)