If Minneapolis plays their cards right, this guy will mayor the shit outta their city. After all, what kind of maniac would vote against a guy with a campaign ad as amazing as this one?
Remember: Jeff Wagner is cool with making $100K a year and he’s willing to give up going to the strip clubs to do it.
In response to Texas being dicky-dicks about reproductive rights, comedian Christi Olson (full disclosure: she’s my fiancé) wrote a blog post giving information on how to terminate a pregnancy on your own if you do not have access to a safe and legal abortion.
Also super helpful: Women on Web
Hello friends! We’re thrilled to have you back for another stirring edition of American Gladiators Digest. Continue reading “Aw NHL Naw: Sound of Silver”
In this week’s edition of Aw NHL Naw, there’s some hockey talk followed by some zoo talk. (Plus all your favourite swear words because this column is super lowbrow!) Continue reading “Aw NHL Naw: The Jostle Of Sportsmen”
This is a picture of David Boreanaz hanging out with the Stanley Cup while holding a human skull. The skull’s probably a reference to his work on Bones, but it could also be something he pulled from Sprague Cleghorn’s grave. The NHL seems like they’d be cool with that. “A CELEBRITY HAS A HOCKEY MAN SKULL? DOES THIS MEAN HE’D BE OPEN TO APPEARING IN A PICTURE WITH MARIAN HOSSA? MAYBE THEY COULD PRETEND TO BE A PAIR OF BRIDGESTONE TIRES!”
That’s the magic of the playoffs, right there.
Continue reading “Aw NHL Naw: Misconductales (Ooh Ooh)”
In this week’s Aw NHL Naw: Some summer jamz and some summer hamz!
(Legal Note: This week’s column features only one summer jam and it’s seriously lacking in proper summer ham coverage.) Continue reading “Aw NHL Naw: Millionaires Touching Shiny Things”
I’m worried I haven’t been smoking enough crack to reach the heights of “prominent hockey analyst.” SAVE ME, BROADCASTING SCHOOL! (Pow! You’ve been goofed on roughly one week after it was relevant, Rob Ford scandal!) Let’s Aw NHL Naw.
Continue reading “Aw NHL Naw: Race For The Prize”
The second round of the Stanley Cup Playoffs are upon us. Here’s a handy guide to the next bit of ice hockey watchingdom.
(This week’s Aw NHL Naw also includes a secret message that I’m sending out to my freemason masters. Can you crack the code? Put some Dover’s Powder in your gin and give it your best shot!)
Continue reading “Aw NHL Naw: Onward To Round 2”
Have you been enjoying the 2013 Stanley Cup Playoffs and Pizza ‘n’ Pop Funtacular so far? If you’re like me, it can be a bit of a struggle to follow the playoffs when your team isn’t one of the sixteen in the running for Lord Stanley’s most famous (non-sexual) prize. As a public service, I’ve put together some tips on how to make the playoffs work for you even if you don’t have a horse in the race.
(Note: Most ice hockey teams should consider replacing their human rosters with horse rosters. Once horses sort out how ice works, they’ll be unstoppable. Those mammals just want it more, y’know?)
Continue reading “Aw NHL Naw: Protect and Survive”
This week’s Aw NHL Naw lets the playoffs speak for itself. Instead of playoff talk, let’s stumble into the magical world of game show auditiondom.
Continue reading “Aw NHL Naw: Tears Of A Huggalo”
Do you have playoff fever all up in them guts yet? Of course you do. You’re probably dehydrated, disoriented and vomiting up a storm. With the Stanley Cup Playoffs set to kick off on Tuesday, here’s a helpful guide letting you know who will be competing for
custody of their children hockey’s grandest prize. Continue reading “Aw NHL Naw: Annihilate This Week”
Apologies in advance: I go on a bit of a ramble about Mountain Dew this week.
Continue reading “Aw NHL Naw: Slashing, Cross-Checking and Name Calling”
*jumps out of an oil drum* It’s an all new Aw NHL Naw! *crawls back into the oil drum of surprise*
Continue reading “Aw NHL Naw: Ghostface Penaltykillah”
*twirl* *twirl* *twirl* It’s an all new Aw NHL Naw. *twirl* *twirl* *twirl*
Continue reading “Aw NHL Naw: Lacrease Royale”
Jarome Iginla has been traded from one professional ice hockey team to another professional ice hockey team. *puts straw into juicebox* So what does this all mean?
It’s a trade that will make the Pittsburgh Penguins better (Holy shit did they really get Iginla, Brenden Morrow and Douglas “Swedish Guy With The Most Canadian Name Ever” Murray all in a week’s time?), the Boston Bruins extra pissy (Their fans will probably maintain the same level of racism, though.) and give Calgary Flames fans a sense of hope that rebuilding is finally going to happen.
Congratulations Flames fans, at least when you’re firmly in the basement you can feel something. No more pressing a curling iron against your forearm just to “like know you’re still alive, man.” First thing you get to feel: The realization that Ray Shero swindled you like a moustachioed silent picture villain. It’s not a great deal for Calgary, but it still qualifies as progress.
This trade also means that trade deadline day is going to suck more balls than usual. Roughly six cubic meters more balls by my count. Are you going to skip work or school or your BDSM appointment to watch James Duthie shrug for eight hours and eat fruit snacks because nothing of interest is going to happen? (Level of interest may vary depending on how much of a tizzy Ryane Clowe gets you in.) Be sure to have a few bags of wine with you while watching deadline day stuff this year. Things have to get exciting and unpredictable somehow.
Offsides! Icings! CBA negotiations! Boy, hockey really has it all, don’t it? It’s great. I watched a lot of it this week, but for this edition of Aw NHL Naw, I’m going to go on a bit of a ramble about an award show I went to. Apologies all around. Please contact Prairie Dog for an apology voucher. Things will return to normal next week.
Continue reading “Aw NHL Naw: Blood on the Trolley Tracks (a special more non-hockey than usual edition)”
Welcome to Aw NHL Naw. A column where our mini sticks are always curved for your pleasure.
Continue reading “Aw NHL Naw: Live From The Cyril Dome”
Time for an all new Aw NHL Naw: The only hockey column blessed by the new Pope!
(Legal Note: The self proclaimed Pope that blessed this column was a dude with two eye patches made out of Rice Krispies boxes. He threw a half finished Ginger Ale at me on the bus. I believe his name was Dale. God bless him.)
Continue reading “Aw NHL Naw: Knock On Sherwood”
Hey, it’s a Mario Lemieux Hockey‘s Bob Smith! Time to throw on your sock garters. It’s an all new Aw NHL Naw.
Continue reading “Aw NHL Naw: Huffing Zamboni Fumes”