Breaking News From Russia

Horrific news out of Sochi, Russia this morning. With the XXII Winter Olympic Games winding down Russian president Vladimir Putin has apparently ordered the execution of between 25 and 30 unnamed individuals for unspecified acts of hooliganism and a general failure to uphold the honour of Mother Russia.

Details are still sketchy, but early reports suggest the executions were carried out several kilometres from Sochi and that the bodies of the deceased were subsequently dumped in the Black Sea.

We’ll have more on this story as further details emerge.

Author: Gregory Beatty

Greg Beatty is a crime-fighting shapeshifter who hatched from a mutagenic egg many decades ago. He likes sunny days, puppies and antique shoes. His favourite colour is not visible to your puny human eyes. He refuses to write a bio for this website and if that means Whitworth writes one for him, so be it.

48 thoughts on “Breaking News From Russia”

  1. You bastard! I thought it was a joke about hockey, then I thought it wasn’t, then I felt bad about wanting to make an insensitive joke about the hockey, then I realized you beat me to it.

  2. Yes Stephen we’re just humourless wet blankets for not appreciating the clever way way you equated a meaningless hockey game score with the protesters who were beaten today in Sochi and the citizens who were killed in Ukraine. More hilarious Prairie Dog humour.

  3. Anyone wanna talk about hockey or do you guys just want to sit around smelling each other’s outrage farts?

  4. So basically, you guys don’t watch hockey and didn’t get Greg’s dark yet mildly amusing joke. That’s all right. It’s okay to not understand jokes sometimes. It doesn’t automatically make you all a buncha lame-os.

  5. If we’re all a little touchy it’s because we’re waiting for the war to start, followed by economic and ecological collapse. This is probably the spittin’ image of the event that will trigger WWIII

  6. I got the joke, Steve. It was poorly executed.

    There, I just made a funnier and less offensive Vladimir Putin joke than is in this post.

  7. There were the obligatory cracks about the Sochi Olympics. “The American team is thrilled with the win,” he said of Team USA’s shootout win over Russia this past weekend in preliminary round action. “The Russian team is … missing.”

    The above joke is from the opening night monologue of Jimmy Fallon who took over the reins of the Tonight Show from Jay Leno on NBC on Monday. So it looks like it’s true, Prairie Dog has sunk to a new low — that of network television in the United States.

    You can read more on Fallon’s first show, which featured appearances by Will Smith and U2 here.

  8. Stephen, your six in morning descriptions are always dripping with sanctimony and moral outrage. In light of that, don’t you think you should probably own up to the fact that this was in poor taste? If John Gormley had made the same joke, or someone connected to the PMO, you can’t tell me you wouldn’t have jumped all over it in (feigned ?) indignation. The Prairie Dog headline would be:

    Six In The Morning: GORMLESS GORMLEY

    1. APPARENTLY JOKING ABOUT STATE ORDERED MURDER IS OKAY NOW. John Gormley made a terrible attempt at satire on Small Dead Animals today. Not cool, especially when Ukrainian protesters are being murdered in the streets, and Pussy Riot members are being whipped in public.

    And then how would you have reacted if he said to “stop smelling each other’s outrage farts”?

    I like the daily news links. A lot. I also really like your snarky comments about people who’ve been douches in public. But you can’t keep calling people out if you allow your own organization to do the same sorts of things.

  9. A 20-plus comment thread on how humour works and when jokes are funny and when they’re not? You might be a bunch of delicate little flowers but at least you think about things. I forgive you for being lame.

    Anyway, Greg did not joke about Pussy Riot beatings or the Ukrainian tragedy. That would be horrible. He made a joke at the expense of sad millionaire hockey players and homicidal tyrants. I smirked.

    It’s all right, you guys. The hockey players are okay. No one shot them.

  10. The hockey players in Jimmy Fallons’ joke are quite likely pretend-executed, Paul. At best they’ve been pretend-imprisoned. How can say such jokes are funny, Paul? For shame.

  11. See, to me this fails because the shit has been hitting the fan in Ukraine so it’s hard to laugh about political killings cause they’re all too real now and I guess pretty much always.

    Having said that, I did laugh. Like an open guffaw laugh. But then I felt bad.

  12. Sigh… but Fallon never uses the word “execution” or “imprison” in the joke. That makes all the difference to the final tone.

    You just can’t use a phrase like “ordered the execution” in this context because Putin ordering a mass execution is something many people consider to be within the realm of possibility. And against the backdrop of what’s happening in Ukraine, a joke in which the punchline is an act of senseless bloodshed just comes off as tasteless.

  13. Paul: I think the lackwits might very slowly be catching on by now; the rest of us have moved on to other things, such as cheering our women for their gold medals in curling and hockey.

  14. Stephen (and Greg) it isn’t that the people responding didn’t “get” the joke, it’s that they have some human decency. As a joke, it’s weak, and you aspiring to be as good as Jimmy Fallon helps proves the point about your low standards.

    Don’t confuse being edgy with being crass. I know acting like some foul mouthed character is Stephen’s shtick, but as I’ve said before, the constant current of tastelessness is what continues to hold Prairie Dog back.

    It keeps Prairie Dog from gaining real respect, and it unfortunately overshadows the good elements. You have world class work being done by Paul, Jorge, Aidan, Vanda and others, and you thank them by diluting their efforts with toilet talk and your quote unquote humour.

  15. Paul Dechene February 20, 2014 at 1:45 pm #
    Sigh… but Fallon never uses the word “execution” or “imprison” in the joke. That makes all the difference to the final tone.

    Context is important also. Jimmy Fallon purports to be an edgy comedy talk show so jokes about Putin are to be expected. Prairie Dog is (was?) supposed to be journalism.

  16. Stephen Whitworth: “He made a joke at the expense of sad millionaire hockey players and homicidal tyrants. I smirked.”

    Even if I’m as comedically impaired as you claim, I can understand that the joke isn’t at the expense of millionaire hockey players, it’s at the expense of the people who were beaten and murdered yesterday. You smirked alright.

    I can’t wait for your comedy column where you make some hilarious jokes about gays being beaten in Regina’s central neighborhood, or tell us some knee-slappers about the Tamra Keepness disappearance.

  17. Thankfully I have Greg’s joke to smooth over the news of 70 protesters being snipered to death after the President announced a ‘truce’, and 67 police officers being captured doing what they think are their jobs.

    If you want to make an Olympic hockey joke at the expense of coddled millionaires, this is how it’s done:

    http://i.imgur.com/JhMU6mW.jpg

    But what would I know? Prairie Dog says I don’t have a sense of humour.

  18. The Prairie Dawg is merely reflecting the mood of many Canadians, feeling good about Olympic success while totally tuning out Russian-supported crimes against humanity in Eastern Europe.

  19. yesterday I swore I would never read PD blog again. Today I gave in (again) and read Readers 5:42 pm post. Now THAT is funny!

  20. Today at the Olympics the Russian men’s hockey team, which was favored, was eliminated by Finland. Then an hour later, the Russian men’s hockey team was eliminated by Putin.

    Conan O’Brien on his late night TBS show, Feb. 19.

  21. Last night from David Letterman.

    “The hockey teams in Russia have been eliminated …not for competition,but actually eliminated. They are gone. Vladimir Putin threw them a poisioned state dinner.”

  22. Simpleton: Thank you for reading our blog. I hope sometimes you enjoy things you read here. Also: I’ve seen that joke. I smirked.

    Rusty: God bless you.

  23. Conan O’Brien and David Letterman sure do tell some funny jokes. I guess it’s because they’re comedians.

    An even funnier joke though is Stephen Whitworth’s journalism degree.

    It does serve as a reminder that responsibility, professionalism, and compassion can’t be mailed out to people the same way as diplomas can.

  24. Stephen has a journalism degree? I’d always just assumed he won a contest or something to get his job.*

    *I found this joke hilarious, Stephen may not.

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