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Review: The Incredible Burt Wonderstone

Bad hair day all around.

Bad hair day all around.

As middle-of-the-road movies go, the comedy The Incredible Burt Wonderstone has plenty of ideas, but little ambition. Often the film stops short from trespassing any boundaries and remains stuck in the mildly amusing zone.

Steve Carell (who is batting about .500 these days) and Steve Buscemi are Burt Wonderstone and Anton Marvelton, childhood friends who have turned their love for magic into a Vegas variety show a la Siegfried and Roy (minus the man-eating tigers). Two well placed strokes put an end to the act: Street magician Steve Gray (Jim Carrey) steals their thunder and Burt and Anton tattered friendship comes to an end.

Penniless and alone, Burt lands a gig entertaining old-timers at a retirement home. The place becomes a blessing in disguise when he finds his mentor (Alan Arkin) among the residents.

The predictable comeback is the weakest section of the film. In fact, The Incredible Burt Wonderstone is at it best when focusing on the villains, Jim Carrey channeling Criss Angel and Burt himself, a pampered jerk the first third of the movie.

Steve Buscemi, a gifted comedian who rarely gets the chance to showcase his wit, is mostly wasted as the ‘straight man’. Since Carrey steals every scene he is in, the blame for the film’s mediocre performance at the box office falls squarely on Steve Carell. The actor is at his best in more nuanced roles and Burt is singularly cartoonish. Two prairie dogs… Wait, where did they go?

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Regina Really Is Just One Big Parking Lot

I often hear people remark on the dearth of parking in downtown Regina and, frankly, they usually sound pretty desperate. They say things like: “There’s not enough parking!”, “We need more parking!”, and “I can’t find a parking spot anywhere!”

Well, apparently some of these eloquent individuals have taken matters into their own hands. They’ve taken a fresh look at City Square and have come to the logical conclusion that this public space can also double as a convenient, centrally located spot to park one’s automobile. I took these pics (as proof!) on Friday evening as a friend and I passed through the square en route to a real parking lot. Why didn’t these guerilla parkers do the same? Probably because they wanted to illustrate for us a central issue around parking in Regina: Everyone wants a spot, but no one wants to pay. But, as so many of us have found out over the years, when it comes to parking in the Queen City, one way or the other, someone always pays.

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Juno Hype Begins

Dressed in oh so cool Saskatchewan rock star garb (a parka, toque, gloves, boots and whatnot) I trudged over to Artesian on 13th this morning for a press conference to reveal a pile more details about the Juno Awards which are being held in Regina and Moose Jaw April 15-21. Among the dignitaries in attendance were Melanie Berry, President of CARAS (Canadian Academy of Recording Arts and Sciences) which produces the Junos, provincial Minister of Parks, Culture & Sport Kevin Docherty and Mayors Michael Fougere of Regina and Deb Higgins of Moose Jaw. Between all the announcements and speeches the Regina band Fly Points also played a couple of tunes.

First off, it was announced that Hannah Georgas and Serena Ryder have been added to the line-up for the Juno Gala that goes Sunday April 21 at Brandt Centre. In addition to the gala, which will be hosted by Michael Buble, there will be a ton of other stuff happening in the week leading up to the awards. Included is a Songwriters’ Circle at Casino Regina on Sunday afternoon from noon to 2 p.m. that will feature Tom Cochrane, Danny Michel, Kathleen Edwards, Colin James, Bahamas and more.

Saturday afternoon from noon to 3 p.m. at Cornwall Centre there’s a free event called Juno Fan Fare that serves as a meet-and-greet for music fans with musicians from bands like Dragonette, The Sheepdogs, Marianas Trench, Down With Webster and more. Friday, the Juno Cup goes at Mosaic Place in Moose Jaw at 7:30 p.m. It’s a celebrity hockey game that will pit musicians from bands like Blue Rodeo, Ten Second Epic and the Wooden Sky against NHL old-timers like Mike Sillinger, Mark Napier, Gary Roberts, and Jamie Heward.

Finally, on April 19-20 Juno Fest will be taking place in both Regina and Moose Jaw. What’s involved there is dozens of bands from Saskatchewan and other locales across Canada playing showcase gigs at 17 venues (13 in Regina and four in Moose Jaw). Bands that have been confirmed so far include Rah Rah, Great Lake Swimmers, Hey Ocean!, The Pack AD, Two Hours Traffic, The Lonesome Weekends and many more. Included in the list of venues is a large tent that will be set up on City Plaza in downtown Regina. That’s an idea that will likely be resurrected during Grey Cup week next November.

We’re producing the official Juno Fest guide which will run in our April 18 issue. So we’ll be bringing you much more on the line-up in the weeks to come. For the cost of a $30 wrist band which grants you access to all the venues it’s a pretty sweet deal. You can find out more on the Junos by visiting the website.

To play us out, here’s the video for Serena Ryder’s single “Stompa” off her 2012 album Harmony:

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Six In The Morning: Snow, A New Subdivision and Saving the Small Savers

6-in-the-morning1 ‘INDUSTRIAL HEIGHTS’ Paul already mentioned this yesterday in his advancer to the city hall meeting last night, but this is crazy so it deserves an update. The City gave the ‘A-okay’ for developers to apply to build a new subdivision in the north end of Regina, between the refinery and the steel plant. Raising children there sounds like a dream.

2 WE SET A NEW SNOWFALL RECORD But none of us need a news outlet to tell us that. We face that cold harsh reality every day when we are forced to trudge to work knee deep in the white stuff or when we have to figure out which snow pile on the street is our parked car…

3 TRADES OVER DEGREES In the federal budget speech on Thursday, Finance Minister Jim Flaherty is expected to put a sharp focus on boosting skills training. In case you are wondering, he will be tweeting his budget day too.

4 DID THE ONION PREDICT CNN’s STEUBENVILLE RAPE COVERAGE? An Onion article from about two years back satirizes sympathy for rapists – and is seemingly all the more relevant in relation to a CNN reporter’s strange and disconcerting response to the trial.

5 I SEE LONDON, I SEE… LULU Lulu Lemon is recalling its line of Lula pants for being too sheer. God forbid anyone dies of embarrassment because their butt is visible while in downward dog pose.

6 SAVING SMALL SAVERS  Just before a vote on the seizure of bank deposits, Cyprian government officials are working on behalf of the ‘little guys’ – as they work to limit the impact the deposit raid would have on small savers.

BONUS: Sask. sweetheart and snowboarder extraordinaire, Mark McMorris, was on The Hour with George Stroumboulopoulos last night. McMorris talked about his so-called ‘beef ‘ with Shaun White and his expectations for the 2014 Winter Olympics.

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Pick Of The Day: James Minifie Lecture

This annual lecture, now in its 33rd year, is hosted by the University of Regina’s School of Journalism. It’s named after noted Canadian journalist James Minifie. Born in England in 1900, Minifie homesteaded with his family near Swift Current in 1909. After serving as teenager in WWI Minifie enrolled at Regina College, and later studied at the University of Saskatchewan, Oxford and the Sorbonne before beginning his career as a journalist for New York Herald Tribune. Stationed in Europe, Minifie covered the lead-up to WWII and the war itself until being injured by shrapnel during the Battle of Britain. He subsequently moved to Washington, D.C. where he served as CBC correspondent for 15 years.

This year’s lecture is being delivered by aboriginal journalist and hip hop artist Wab Kinew. Here’s a link to a brief bio on him plus a blog post he did called Idle No More Is Not Just An “Indian Thing”. The lecture goes tonight at the Education Auditorium, University of Regina at 7:30 p.m.

To close, here’s Kinew’s two-minute take on the 500 year history of European colonization in Canada:

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Rest In Peace, Captain Peacock

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Frank Thornton, the veteran English actor who played the fusty old Captain Peacock on the much loved BBC comedy Are You Being Served, has passed away at the age of 92.

In addition to starring in the classic Brit-com which ran from 1972 – 1985, Thornton appeared most recently on BBC’s Last of the Summer Wine, and was a member of the Royal Shakespeare Company.

For those of us who remember him fondly, I think we all hope he’s with Mrs. Slocombe. And her pussy*.

* I’m not being rude. It’s what the character insisted on calling her cat. Look for it on youtube. It’s a hoot.

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R.I.P. Jason Molina of Magnolia Electric Co., 1974 – 2013

A career spanning nearly twenty years and almost as many records came to a tragic close this weekend as Songs:Ohia and Magnolia Electric Co. frontman Jason Molina died. He was 39, he hailed from Lorena, Ohio, and in the words of Bottomless Pit frontman Tim Midgett, he “sang like a fucking bird“.

I’m in the middle of writing an article for this upcoming issue, but I’m having a hard time focusing on it. This is devastating. Molina’s songs were so uniquely brilliant and beautiful and brimming with humanity that the news of his loss makes it hard to care about anything else. A 2012 tour documentary, here on Vimeo, captured Magnolia Electric Co. playing in Saskatoon, and folks on my Facebook feed today mentioned how it managed to show a brief, electrifying glimpse of a captivating performer and his irreplaceable voice. Other friends of mine were acquaintances of his; to a person, they’re crushed. He died too young, and he and his work will both be missed.

Here’s “Farewell Transmission” off the masterful 2003 LP, Magnolia Electric Co.

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This Week At City Hall: Convenient Parking, Well Aren’t You Feeling Real Dirty

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This Week at City HallYou can musically augment this post by opening this link in another tab. Let it run while you read. It’s this week’s city hall jam.

Phase Two of Agriculture Place goes before council tonight. It’s an 11-storey office tower Harvard Development wants to build on Hamilton Street. It looks like a pretty desirable addition to the downtown and yet there are some people out there who will find something to grouse about even when they’re basically being handed dozens of units worth of Class A office space.

Ingrates.

Seems some of the businesses downtown had grown tired of how all the workers employed in the construction of Hill Tower III were taking up all the nearby on-street parking. And the thought of the problem carrying on as Agriculture Place Phase II is being built is just too much for them.

Well, good thing we recently demolished 46 units of affordable housing then, eh?

Yep. The application to turn the lot at 1755 Hamilton Street into surface parking is also going before council tonight.  That lot was the site of those 46 units of affordable rental housing up until city hall issued a demolition permit to the owners in Dec of 2011. And as it just so happens, Harvard has entered into an agreement with those same owners of 1755 Hamilton to provide parking over the course of the Agriculture Place construction.

From the submission by Harvard’s Vice President of Leasing, Rosanne Hill Blaisdell,

In response to concerns voiced about contractor parking on Hamilton Street during the course of construction of Agriculture Place, we have contacted the owner of 1755 Hamilton Street, and have agreed to enter into a contractual arrangement to use their parking stalls for the purpose of the contractor and sub trade parking. Please see the attached letter.

Wow. You know, the application to turn 1755 Hamilton into a parking lot passed through executive committee early last month so I was surprised it wasn’t on the agenda for the February council meeting. A conspiratorially minded fellow might think it was coupled with the Agriculture Place application on this month’s council agenda to make the case for a parking lot stronger.

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Six In The Morning: Bailouts, Prison Breaks, and Suicide Missions

6-in-the-morning1  BAILOUT VOTE POSTPONED  Cypriots are staring down a pretty grim future as the European bailout looms.

2  I’M SURE I’VE SEEN THIS MOVIE BEFORE  Following what must be one of the more spectacular prison break attempts in Canadian history, the helicopter pilot whose services were commandeered to spring two Quebecois prisoners from the hoosegow yesterday tells his story.

3  IT’S NEVER TOO LATE!  The American Society for Reproductive Medicine says women between the ages of 50 and 55 shouldn’t feel discouraged from pursuing pregnancy with donor eggs or embryos. Because apparently everyone should have everything they want whenever they want it. As long as they have money.

4  EVERYONE AGREES: THOMAS MULCAIR IS NOT HELPING THE KEYSTONE PIPELINE DEAL  Alison Redford is joining the rest of the gang on the Keystone pipeline wagon, and calling comments Mulcair made on his recent trip to Washington “ridiculous and unhelpful” to their efforts to secure a deal for the Keystone pipeline. What are they so worried about? They’re going to get it eventually.

5  GO ASK DADDY  Argentine president Cristina Fernandez de Kirchner has asked Pope Francis to intervene in Argentina’s dispute over the Falklands with the U.K..

6  IN SPACE NO ONE CAN HEAR YOU SCREAM  The man behind Mars One – a “private space project” – is looking for people willing to take a one-way trip to Mars.

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Pick Of The Day: Electric Six

If memory serves, this six-piece rock/funk/disco band from Detroit was in town last year around this time to play a show at the Exchange. In 2003, they scored a major dance club hit with the tune “Danger! High Voltage”. But they’ve remained active throughout, and now have seven or eight studio albums to their credit.

Tonight Electric Six are in town to play another show at the Exchange. Doors are at 8 p.m., and tickets are $18. To close, here’s the video for their 2006 song “I Buy The Drugs”:

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Shanghai Surprise II

So, did you hear about the 12,000 dead pigs that Chinese authorities have fished out of a river that’s a major water source for the cities of Shanghai (population 23 million) and Jiaxing (4.5 million)? Tests done on carcasses show signs of disease and the suspected source is agricultural producers in a nearby province. Aljazeera has the story here.

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Sunday Matinee: Gorgo

Gorgo“Spewed up from the bottomless depths by a volcanic eruption that reached back 2,000,000 years in time to give the world one horrifying glimpse of a species we had thought extinct.”

In honour of Saint Patrick’s Day here is the world’s only giant Irish monster, Gorgo. Made in 1961 Gorgo was directed by Eugène Lourié. Lourié was best known as an art director but he did direct a few movies. His first was the Ray Harryhausen classic The Beast from 20,000 Fathoms. He also made The Colossus of New York and Behemoth the Sea Monster before he directed his last film Gorgo.The movie starts off the coast of Ireland where a salvage crew is trying to make a few bucks. While trying to salvage a sunken boat a volcano erupts underwater causing a massive wave which damages the ship. The crew lead by Bill Travers and William Sylvester head to the nearest port to resupply the damaged ship. When they get close to shore there are several dead weird looking fish laying in the water. Once on land they discover the harbour master has been salvaging the ocean for treasure. They follow his crew out the next day where two of the divers turn up dead. That night a giant sea monsters attacks the island. It’s scared off with fire but Travers and Sylvester decided tocapture it. They succeed and quickly sell it to the highest bidder, a circus in London that puts the beast on display despite the protests of young Irish boy and the University of Dublin.

They discover too late that Gorgo is just a baby–and Mama is looking for her baby.

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Pick Of The Day (Tomorrow Edition): The Sleeping Beauty

If you read my 14 Days Top Six in the March 7 issue you’ll perhaps recall that I was curious about what the Royal Winnipeg Ballet had planned for this performance. Over the last decade or so it’s developed a real reputation for presenting avant garde multi-media productions of famous stories like Dracula, Alice In Wonderland, Carmen and Moulin Rouge.

Sleeping Beauty, in contrast, is part of the classical ballet canon. In the Top Six I wondered if this was going to be a traditional performance of the Tchaikovsky classic, which the RWB is certainly capable of delivering, or if they were going to rework it and present a modern, multi-media version. Well, after visiting the RWB website, I think it’s more the former, with perhaps some edgy, more modern staging elements.

 The Sleeping Beauty goes Monday night at Conexus Arts Centre at 7:30 p.m. Tickets range from $30.50-$66 and can be obtained by calling  525-9999. And to give you a taste here’s video of a high end production of the ballet from 2007:

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#RFF13

FacebookLogoIf you want to put “social media expert” on your CV — a real necessity in today’s job market — you’ll need to tone those Twitter muscles. You don’t want to look like a social media dummy, do you?

Example: I was watching a Padres/Angels spring training game the other day where they “turned over the broadcast” to Padres bloggers, and one referred to his Twitter name as his “hashtag”. Rookie move. Don’t make the same mistake!

If you’re going to be tweeting about #RFF13, you may as well follow some of the artists. I’ve gone through the lineup for the 2013 Regina Folk Festival and seen who’s on the site and reasonably active. For your convenience, I’ve broken it down into four categories, based mostly on a quick glance at their feed and some guessing. Correct me in the comments.

PEOPLE WHO ARE INTERESTING AND FUNNY We’ve got at least one real Twitter star coming: Neko Case, a funny and prolific user.

There’s also Hayden, Rah Rah, Don Amero, Elisapie Isaac, Northcote, Don Brownrigg and Amelia Curran.

PEOPLE WHO MOSTLY PROMOTE SHOWS Nothing wrong with that; you don’t always need to see a Vine video about how they made their stir fry.

We’re looking at Feist, Rosanne Cash, Man Man, Bahamas, Niyaz, Carolina Chocolate Drops, H’Sao, Briga and Reuben and the Dark.

PEOPLE WHO’VE CLEARLY GOT SOMEONE ELSE RUNNING THEIR FEED FOR THEM C’mon, Charles Bradley shouldn’t have to learn how to use Twitter. Leave him be! Same for Loreena McKennitt.

AL SIMMONS AND BUBBA C THE MC These two get their own category. Just go ahead: follow the delightful Al Simmons and the equally delightful Bubba B the MC. Quick tip: make sure to not follow Al Simmons Guns. They Twitpic pictures of guns, which is scary.

And as long you’re in a following mood, follow the Regina Folk Festival themselves. (Heck, go for Prairie Dog, too, if you haven’t already.)

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RFF’s Edmonton Connection

FacebookLogoFor a few years now, the Regina Folk Festival and the Edmonton Folk Festival have shared some artists, especially headlining acts. Right now, for example, if you look at the artists Edmonton has announced so far, you’ll notice they also have Neko Case.

This is no coincidence, of course. When it came to be that the EFF and the RFF would be on the same weekend, it opened up opportunities for our festival.

“The size of our city and our budget would not allow us to get the people we’re sharing with Edmonton,” says Sandra Butel, RFF artistic director. “For more of the artists that are really well known, and sometimes internationally too when we bring in a big group from overseas, it’s more convenient to share the costs between two festivals.

“Especially when the other one has a bigger budget and sells a lot more tickets than we do. They’re a really big festival. It really helps us out a lot.

“There’s still a lot of artists at our festival who aren’t there. We don’t start to look the same. We’re selling tickets to the same people.”

This means to some degree, Butel winds up working with Edmonton on bringing in artists. There’s no one way it works; Butel describes it as an “organic process” that could involve direct consultation between the two festivals or Butel hearing from agents who’s been booked for Edmonton that they might be able to get a deal on.

Her Edmonton counterpart, Terry Wickham, a “a good Irish dude”, Butel tells me.

“He’s pretty old school. He writes things on foolscap. He doesn’t have a spreadsheet of artists or anything he’s working from. For years, we’ll be trying to work on an artist with him and then it’ll finally happen. Neko’s been a long time coming.”

For all the benefits of being able to work with Edmonton on bringing in artists, it also means that there has to be some give as to when she puts them in her schedule.

“I have to be more flexible in the way we present. We have to do a weekend of music instead evenings of music. That’s hard for me.

“The one year, we had John Prine and he was only available for Friday night. And, well, that’s the kids night! But that’s the only time he could do it. So what do I do? Do I pass up the chance for John Prine because it’s not the right night in my head?”

The answer: go with John Prine, even on a Friday night.

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Pick Of The Day: Great Big Sea

One of my sisters has lived in Quebec City for nearly 25 years now.  I’ve visited her twice in that time — in October 1993, and November 1999. On the latter visit, I managed to catch two concerts. The second, a Monday night Tea Party gig at some restored theatre just outside the gates of Vieux-Quebec,  was planned ahead of time with my sister. The first was a spur of the moment Sunday night show with my sister’s partner after he ended up with two spare tickets to Great Big Sea. So we saw  them and Maritime musician Melanie Doane at a fairly big hall somewhere.

I wouldn’t describe myself as a big GBS fan, but I don’t mind some of their stuff. And performed live, in front of a crowd that included a healthy contingent of transplanted Newfoundlanders, it was pretty sweet. Afterwards, my sister’s partner and I went to a boites a chanson called Chez Son Pere in Vieux-Quebec where singer-songwiters perform. My sister’s partner is a musician himself, and Sunday at that bar was a jam night where singer-songwriters who were typically busy the rest of the week gathered and played. Two members of Great Big Sea (Alan Doyle and Sean McCann) showed up and performed.  As it happened, a month or so earlier I’d done a phone interview for Prairie Dog with comic Mary Walsh who, like Doyle and McCann, hails from Newfoundland. Over beers we chatted a bit about my interview and some of the insights Walsh had given me about growing up on “the Rock”. So that was neat.

Tonight, Great Big Sea are playing a show at Brandt Centre. A good time, you can pretty much guarantee, will be had by all. To close, here’s video of a Montreal band I saw at a club with my sister and her partner on my first visit to Quebec City in ’93. They’re called Too Many Cooks, and the song is ”Who”:

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New Music From RFF 2013 Performers

FacebookLogoMany of the artists performing at the Regina Folk Festival this year have their fair share of history behind them, including plenty of records to dive into before RFF weekend. A few, though, have records still to come before we get there.

A couple have dropped recently. H’Sao put out Oria earlier this year, and Hayden is just now touring across Canada in support of his new album, Us Alone.

Charles Bradley’s follow-up to 2011′s No Time for Dreaming is coming out April 2. That he’s releasing Victim of Love this quick after the last is a good sign; I really want Bradley to make up for lost time. He’d spent most of his life in odd jobs all around the U.S, only getting the opportunity to record now that he’s in his 60s thanks to Daptone Records. Im thankfully for that. His everything-on-the-line soul is amazing, and promises an even better live performance.

2013 also sees a new album from Matthew Goud, a former Saskatchewan boy gone further west. He’s releasing the second album under his folk monoquer Northcote, a self-titled effort due May 7. He recorded it with producer Colin Stewart, who’s done great work for Yukon Blonde, Ladyhawk and Dan Mangan of late, so that in itself is a really good sign for Goud’s new one.

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More On RFF 2013 Artists

FacebookLogoWe’ve clued you in to all the artists who’ve been booked so far for the 2013 Regina Folk Festival, and I’ve told you all how jazzed I am about it. It may come as a surprise, though, that putting together this lineup was easy for Sandra Butel, artistic director for the RFF, at least relative to other years.

“This year, there may have been one offer that was turned down,” says Butel. “Everything else that I put out as an offer was a ‘Yes’, which never happens. More often, there’s a round of offers, and then most of them go away, then you start again.”

A lot of those offers happen to have gone to great female acts, who make up a large part of this edition of the festival, headliners included.

“It was really odd, because I was telling my graphic artist, ‘All I can tell you is there’s going to be lots of hot women, so play with that.’”

One near the top of the list that will interest many is Neko Case. The alt-country singer was last part of the festival when she played with the New Pornographers in the early 2000s. Since not long after that, Butel’s been trying to bring Case back on her own.

“I’ve put offers in the last five or six years, where it would just be like, ‘Hey! Is Neko available?’”

Butel thinks she got Case thanks to having a good relationship with Case’s agent, who also represents former RFF performers like the New Pornographers and Calexico.

“It’s really interesting to me how many bookings happen because I know the agent. You’d think it would be, if you have the money, you can book the artist. That’s not how it works. They have to trust you. They’re putting their artist in your hands.”

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Friday Afternoon Cute Food Critic

Originally, this was going to be a post about pug agility contests. They’re out there, and they’re amazing. I’d never considered it, but there are pugs out there who can jump, slalom and do anything your more traditionally agility-minded dog can do. And they look great doing it in slow-mo, as seen in the middle of this video.

But we have what amounts to a YouTube crisis. The video above is shy of 150,000 views, when it clearly deserves so many more. Really, this is unacceptable. “Food Critic Pug” is one of the few dog videos I can think of that justifies being over a minute long. I don’t know that I would give the pug a full-time reviewing job, but he could at least do another four or five instalments, all with at least 500,000 views.

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Six In the Morning: Canada Falls, Robot Rules, Deadites Are SCARY

6-in-the-morning1 WE’RE NUMBER 11 Canada used to be the world’s most developed country. Now we’ve fallen out of the Top 10. And when you adjust for gender equality, we plummet to 18. Not a surprise–the country’s been heading in the wrong direction — cuts to social programs, education and E.I. – for decades. This is an inevitable consequence of years of bad public policy. I’ve always wanted to live in a country where people get excited talking about public investments in universities, science and the arts, and understand that you’ll never get that through endless tax cuts. I wish more Canadians shared my outlook.

2 LET ‘EM STAY Two Regina students facing deportation for maliciously working at Walmart and stealing jobs from hungry Canadians or whatever it was they did that was so bad should benefit from changes to international student regulations. Will they?

3 REFORM ALL ROBOTS Elections Canada recommends legal reforms to stop this robocall nonsense. They’ve also recommended charges be laid.

4 ROCKING THE DEBT Canadians are wallowing in debt. Wallowing!

5 POPE FRANK: COLLABORATOR? The accusations and denials blossom. I haven’t got to it yet but this column by the Globe And Mail’s Doug Saunders might be the piece to read on the topic. Also in pope news: apparently cardinal Marc Ouellet came close to becoming pope. Probably best that he didn’t, since a Canadian pope would lead to everyone on Dog Blog writing snotty things that would make beloved commentator Barb’s head essplode.

6 STUDY SAYS LIBERATION TREATMENT DOESN’T LIBERATE MUCH Hmm. Well, that sucks ass.

HAPPY FRIDAY! LET’S ALL HAVE THE LIVING SHIT SCARED OUT OF US The horrible red band trailer for the reportedly good Evil Dead remake is SUPER GORY and has at least one nightmare-inducing scene. Those eyes! Those awful, awful yellow eyes! Aiiieeeeeee! This went online a couple months back but somehow I missed it. Here it is now! DON’T WATCH IT IF YOU DON’T LIKE GRUESOME, AWFUL, SCARY THINGS. Because it has such things.

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