Crime Report

Recognize this object?

Apparently it’s a RoadReader Nuclear Density Gauge. It contains radioactive elements (Americium 241 Beryllium and Cesium 137), and is used in road construction to measure the density and compactness of soil. Last weekend, Regina City Police report, one was stolen from a construction site two kilometres west of Regina. 

 As long as the instrument remains intact, the police bulletin adds, no danger is posed to the public. But should the unit be tampered with we are all doomed to produce mutant off-spring and die horrible deaths from radiation poisoning.

 Okay, I’m exaggerating. But police are advising anyone with involvement in the B & E to not tinker with the gauge and to return it at their earliest possible convenience — anonymously, if need be.

If anyone has info about this incident, they are asked to contact the Regina Police Service at 777-6500 or Crime Stoppers at 1-800-222-8477.

Author: Gregory Beatty

Greg Beatty is a crime-fighting shapeshifter who hatched from a mutagenic egg many decades ago. He likes sunny days, puppies and antique shoes. His favourite colour is not visible to your puny human eyes. He refuses to write a bio for this website and if that means Whitworth writes one for him, so be it.

1 thought on “Crime Report”

  1. I’m using it to give myself super powers.

    Oh hey, you guys, how about giving us a weekly Plaza Construction Report? Some of us don’t visit downtown nearly enough but are dying to know how close that thing is to being finished.

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