1. CANADA POST MAKES A PROFIT Good thing Stephen Harper is ending home mail delivery and killing good jobs at a profitable company.
2. ERASE THE FACTS Stephen Harper’s government tells civil servants to delete potentially embarrassing e-mails.
3. FEDERAL NDP PROMISES INQUIRY INTO MURDERS Because unlike Stephen Harper, Thomas Mulcair’s party wants to understand why bad things happen. There is a counterpoint to this argument, namely that we know enough already to take action and we don’t need to wait years for an inquiry to tell us things we already know.
4. MONEY FOR AFFORDABLE HOUSING Read all about it.
5. KEEP AN EYE ON THAT VOLCANO A really fucking big volcano in Iceland is acting up.
6. THE DRESSLER SHUFFLE Four other CFL teams are interested in OUR slotback. OURS!
7. VIVA LAS VEGAS Sounds like the NHL is getting ready to expand again.
8. ONTARIO HOCKEY LEAGUE ATTACKS UNIONIZATION EFFORTS Someone has to stand up for the good of the sport against greedy teenagers who make a perfectly legitimate $50/week.
9. ACCIDENTS HAPPEN A nine-year-old girl shooting an Uzi at an Arizona firing range lost control of the weapon and killed a gun instructor. Someone — possibly the parents — filmed the unavoidable, no-one-could-have-foreseen-it accident. More here.
VIDEO: TRUE FACTS ABOUT MARSUPIALS ZeFrank’s latest explains everything you need to know about kangaroos and other stuff related to kangaroos
