Too Many Testicles

If your ears have been in the same room as my mouth in the last week you’ve probably heard me complain about my fellow man. The culprits in a new report on the  five worst countries countries to be female in? Fucking Men. Stabbings in Regina’s bar strip? Fucking men. Riots in Vancouver? Fucking Men. Climate change deniers? Fucking Men. The accused killer in an especially awful Seattle rape and murder case I’ve been reading about lately? A Fucking Man. Stephen Harper supporters? More likely to be Fucking Men.

Most of the violence, murder and crime you read about in newspapers? Fucking fuck men, men men, men, men.

My fellow penismen often seem like an out-of-control ethnic group bent on murder and mayhem. (Rwanda? Men. Yugoslavia? Men.)

Well, here’s another one article about male failure (malure?) from yesterday — a 4000-word piece about the idea that men caused the 2008 financial crash, titled “Testosterone And High Finance Do Not Mix: So Bring On The Women.  Here’s a small sample:

A more recent study of 2.7 million personal investors found that during the financial crisis of 2008 and 2009, men were much more likely than women to sell any shares they owned at stock market lows. Male investors, as a group, appeared to be overconfident, the author of this study suggested. “There’s been a lot of academic research suggesting that men think they know what they’re doing, even when they really don’t know what they’re doing.” A fact that will come as a surprise to few of us. Men, it seemed, typically believed they could make sense of every piece of short-term financial news. Women, never embarrassed to ask directions, were on the whole far more likely to acknowledge when they didn’t know something. As a consequence, women shifted their positions far less frequently, and made significantly more money as a result.

The article goes on at length about neuroscience, testosterone, learned helplessness and all sorts of interesting reasons that men are fucking stupid. Definitely worth your time.

As for this man, I’m a man in a crabby mood and see no reason to say anything other than the basic truth: men are prone to be reckless and insane and shouldn’t be allowed near money, or weapons, or alcohol, or hockey games or other people.

Men ought to be rounded up and locked in man-sized hamster cages. Fucking men.

Author: Stephen Whitworth

Prairie Dog editor Stephen Whitworth will never, ever pass up a chance to make a Breakin' 2: Electric Boogaloo pun.

6 thoughts on “Too Many Testicles”

  1. Whatever, cryboy. Seems like too many boys on this website. Have you ever worked in a large workplace with women? You think women in charge would be a good thing? Trust me, manhater, women bring their own vice, brand of crazy and dysfunction to the workplace.

  2. Peter: I have worked in dysfunctional environments with all sorts of gender compositions and I haven’t noticed a pattern other than people are crazy. But worldwide, women kill a lot fewer people and break less stuff than men. That’s worth pointing out.

    And I disagree: there are not too many males on this website at all. The problem is there are not enough women on the blog (or in the paper!). In my feeble defence, we do currently have eight female-designated persons with blog access and will be inviting more soon. But right now, due to randomness, our most prolific bloggers are male.

  3. Stephen, don’t forget that when women have economic power they are more likely to spend money on healthcare, childcare and other positive-care than on bigger and bigger firepower. And domed stadiums.

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