Four In The Afternoon

1. NEXT UP: COLD FUSION WILL POWER OUR SEX ROBOTS. According to a breathless column in the Globe and Mail, a US biotech company has developed microoganisms that eat sunlight and poop fuel in “an essentially unlimited quantity”. Somehow columnist Neil Reynolds, who is an actual grown-up, is not embarrassed to write puff pieces built around utopian PR. (The Globe And Mail)

2. WE’RE STILL LAZY. It’s kind of telling that we’re imagining the miracle fuel source of the future as mindless organisms that do nothing but eat and excrete, because Statscan has found (once again) that Canadians spend 70% of their waking hours sitting on their slowly spreading behinds. Quick, upload my mind into one of those cold-fusion sexbots. (The Globe And Mail)

3. THEY MAY NOT BE ABLE TO MAKE FUEL, BUT THEY CAN STILL PLAY PAC MAN. Yet more evidence that the human race is developing an ever greater metaphorical identification with microorganisms: Stanford University researchers have developed ‘biotic games,’ in which tiny creatures like paramecia are manipulated in Pac Man-style games. This was only a matter of time. (via BoingBoing.net)

4. THE U.S. STATE DEPARTMENT IS HOPING THE PUBLIC HAS THE MEMORY OF YOUR AVERAGE PARAMECIUM. In private briefings to Congress, it has been revealed that the damage done by Wikileaks to U.S. diplomatic interests has not been that bad. “We were told [it] was embarrassing, not damaging,” a congressional official. So all that muttering about Wikileaks having blood on its hands and getting Afghani families killed and seriously damaging security interests – you know, that was just talk. So let’s get that creepy albino-looking dude before he kills again with his murderous leaky ways! (The Guardian)

Author: Aidan Morgan

Aidan is a very serious man who's saving up for a nice dignified pipe. Then we'll see who's laughing.