Four In The Afternoon: At Least Wil.i.am Won’t Write Another Song Edition

1. BRAAAVOOO. Fed up with an administration that has been far from perfect but is clearly better than the xenophobic, pig-ignorant, faux-populist alternative, Americans gave a bunch of pig-ignorant xenophobes and faux populists control of the House of Representatives in last night’s mid-term elections. Remember the hideous mess that the Democrats inherited in 2008? American voters just gave back a huge chunk of control to that same band of greed-addled reptiles. When asked for comment, a typical American voter said “Duuuuuuuuhhhh”.

2. AND IF HE LOSES HIS LICENSE A FOURTH TIME, WE’RE REALLY GOING TO GET ANGRY AT HIM. Larry Scott Henderson, a doctor in Whitby, Ontario lost his licence to practice medicine for the third time because he just can’t stop sexually abusing patients. I hope that the next time this happens, the College of Physicians and Surgeons does that thing where they pretend to hand over his licence and then go “Psych!” and yank it away. I hope they do that at least three times before they inevitably hand it over.

3. CALIFORNIA’S ONLY POTENTIAL REMAINING SOURCE OF INCOME STILL ILLEGAL. It appears that Proposition 19, which would legalize possession of marijuana (up to 1 oz. for adults over 21), allow individuals to grow the stuff in their gardens and give the state the ability to tax and regulate the drug, has been defeated. Meanwhile, Californians are eating civil servants and burning elementary schools to stay warm.

4. OH YOU FICKLE FANS. The lineup to grab tickets for the Roughriders playoff match was disappointingly small this year. Perhaps the fans want to see our team lose from the comfort of their living rooms?

Author: Aidan Morgan

Aidan is a very serious man who's saving up for a nice dignified pipe. Then we'll see who's laughing.

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