Four In The Afternoon: Do Not Open Your Mail.

4 in the Afternoon1 HANDS, FEET, AND…? Montreal police confirmed today that the hand and foot that were opened in two Vancouver schools yesterday had come from Montreal. The body parts are believed to be linked to Luka Magnotta, but police are waiting on DNA evidence to confirm whether the parts belonged to Montreal student Jun Lin. One can’t help but notice that not all the body parts have been discovered, and the obvious lunatic doesn’t seem like the type to stop short of mailing brains…

2 SNAIL MAIL IS BLOWING UP! Just when we were starting to think traditional mail services were a thing of the past, a NEW function for Canada Post arises! Terror mail! Why stop at hands and feet. Nine packages, containing suspicious white powder were received at government and media offices in Montreal and Sherbrooke today. The packages, signed what loosely translates to “the armed revolutionary forces of Quebec”, turned out to be harmless. Mail bullet dodged. Or foot. Or whatever.  

3 MORE BLOODSHED Another massacre has taken place in the Hama province of central Syria this week. Opposition activists came forth today indicating that at least 86 people, including women and children, have been killed by Syrian pro-government forces.

4 DEL MASTRO DONE BAD Oh, so the easily detestable Dean Del Mastro is under investigation for potentially over-spending on his election budget. The mysterious unclaimed $21,000 cheque not only takes the steam out of anything Harper’s parliamentary secretary said during the robocall debate, it also makes him look like an ass.