Four In The Afternoon: Four With A Bullet Edition

1. NEXT STEP: REALLY SKINNY SOLDIERS. North Korea appears to be invading South Korea by fax. Apparently in retaliation for a South Korean artillery bombardment earlier this month, North Korea has faxed propaganda messages to as many as 80 South Korean businesses, civic and religious organizations.

2. YOU CAN BARELY GET ARRESTED FOR POT THESE DAYS. A marijuana possession and distribution beef* in Montana ran into a strange – perhaps unprecedented – snag: they couldn’t find a jury that would hypothetically convict the defendant. Potential jurors made it clear that they wouldn’t convict someone for possessing a small amount (“a few buds”) of marijuana. The defendant was sentenced to 20 years in prison with 19 of those years suspended.

3. GAY AMERICANS NOW ALLOWED TO KILL YOU. Obama has signed off on legislation repealing the much-maligned Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell policy. So now it’s all official, and gay people will soon be able to bomb the hell out of third-world countries without shame over their sexual orientation.

For example, you’ll soon be able to do the following, and Uncle Sam won’t care which way you swing. Neither will the people who get shot. (Video contains violence and nasty language)

4. I AM STRUGGLING TO UNDERSTAND THIS ONE. A recent poll has found that Canadians have more confidence in our military than our government. Well, sure. Governments disappoint and frustrate on a near-daily basis, whereas military forces usually just do their thing: train, employ, deploy, go on peacekeeping or more aggressive missions in foreign lands. Frustrations with the military ramp up when they become the government. But what does the comparison between government and military imply? Should they trade places, as in a Freaky Friday scenario? Imagine Harper bundled into combat fatigues and dropped off in some dusty road in Afghanistan. Hey, wait a minute…

BONUS CONTENT: In 1974, Nixon resigned and the Cleveland Browns sent the best legal response ever; the Village Voice comes up with the 20 worst songs of 2010; and Southern California is drowning and sliding into the ocean, one hillside at a time.

*And that fufills my lifelong dream of using the word ‘beef’ in the context of criminal law.

Author: Aidan Morgan

Aidan is a very serious man who’s saving up for a nice dignified pipe. Then we’ll see who’s laughing.