Fuck This Noise

Going through the Leader-Post‘s website this morning, it was inevitable that this story would catch my eye. What can I say? I’m a young man, and a lead like this just pops off the screen: “Canadians thinking of talking dirty during sex might want to reconsider, given a new study’s discovery that prurient language causes people to underestimate how long something lasts.”

The piece describes two studies, one where participants’ perceived the passage of time to be quicker when they were shown “taboo sexual words”, the other finding that doing a mentally tasking activity will have the same effect.

What I don’t get is what we’re supposed to want from sex according to this piece. Should sex seem to stretch on for an eternity? (Ignore that the article is making a bit of a leap to make the connection to sex, especially since the abstract for the first study deals explicitly in reading taboo words.)

I can’t find the exact clip I’m looking for, but it reminds me of something Karl Pilkington, the noted Internet idiot seen in the video above, has mentioned before, about how if he knew it was his last day on Earth, he’d just sit there. Then, time would seem to go on forever out of the sheer boredom of the situation.

Sure, no one likes the hypothetical quick-finisher. But surely, we should be going for quality over quantity here. And if that means a little dirty talk, why not?

Author: James Brotheridge

Contributing Editor with Prairie Dog.

11 thoughts on “Fuck This Noise”

  1. “Canadians thinking of talking dirty during sex might want to reconsider, given a new study’s discovery that prurient language causes people to underestimate how long something lasts.”
    That convoluted lead stretches on for an eternity.

  2. One time, I wanted to take it to that higher level through dirty talk, so I just let her have it. I was all like, “Ohh yeah, oily rags, ahhh-oh, gotta install the winter windows in the trailer later on…ee-ee-ahh-ha-haa…

    Foreplay, people!

  3. I don’t even get what’s off-limits! Is it cussing only? Is it like are you not supposed to say “Do X to my Y with your Z”? What do you do instead, just point and grunt? Wiggle your eyebrows and mime frantically? What happens if you swap in more clinical language, since I imagine based on what happens if you drop that kind of terminology in a regular conversation time slows down almost interminably?

    As if I didn’t have enough anxieties about sex as-is. Thanks, Postmedia. THANKS FOR NOTHING.

  4. Also, speaking from experience – don’t ever actually say “Do X to my Y with your Z,” as in verbatim, with the consonants and sometimes-vowel intact, unless your turn-ons include furrowed brows and nerve-grinding silence.

  5. Sheesh. Just smile and laugh a lot, have fun and talk to your partner about what works and what doesn’t.

  6. Just skimmed that story. That first sentence is TERRIBLE. Double sheesh. Is their conclusion that bad sex is better than good sex because it lasts longer? Completely inane story.

  7. Or an algebra pervert.

    Although, in that case, I guess it’d be “solve for X to my Y with your Z.”

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