Six In The Morning

1. SMASHY SMASHY. Classified documents have been stolen from the Governor of the Bank of Canada’s car. Nobody will say exactly what was taken from Mark Carney’s unattended vehicle on November 1st in Montreal, but the RCMP have already located the bag and are attempting to discern what contents may be missing. Via the Globe and Mail. Way to make with the breaking news, national paper of record.

2. CARE TO GET GROPED IN AN AIRPORT?. Flying in the U.S. on November 24th? Then you can take part in National Opt Out Day, an online initiative to opt out of those new full-body scanners that have been popping up across the States. Be warned: the “enhanced pat down” administered by TSA employees is pretty much the equivalent of waltzing with your prom date after a six-pack of Rockaberry coolers. Also, there may be additional security measures taken for non-U.S. citizens who decline the scanner.

3. IRELAND HAS ENOUGH CASH UNTIL NEXT SPRING. Good news from the Emerald Isle. Even though Britain has mentioned that it may offer aid to Ireland to help shore up its troubled financial sector, the New York Times reports that there’s sufficient cash on hand to keep Ireland afloat for the next six months or so. That’s really not the point of the article, but I like the idea that my finances are in about the same shape as Ireland’s.

4. POTASH CORP EYEING STOCK IN POTASH CORP. After the failed bid from Australian megacorporation BHP to acquire Potash Corp, the Saskatchewan company is looking to buy back about $2 billion of stock. It’s probably a good time to buy, since potash prices have hit a three-month low.

5. THIS CAN’T POSSIBLY BE RIGHT. Sarah Palin really does seem to think that she can run for President in 2012. What if her reality show gets cancelled after a season? Is she determining her fitness for office by measuring television ratings? Is that where we’re at as a culture now? And speaking of Clan Palin, 16-year old Willow posted homophobic slurs on Facebook last Sunday.

6. THAT HUGE APPLE ANNOUNCEMENT TURNED OUT GREAT FOR BABY BOOMERS. After a good deal of obnoxious hype from Apple about an earth-shattering iTunes announcement, it turned out to be… The Beatles. Now you can pay to download their music through iTunes. Baby boomers everywhere responded by getting up to dance. Then they fell down and maybe broke a hip. Because they’re so old, you see.

Author: Aidan Morgan

Aidan is a very serious man who's saving up for a nice dignified pipe. Then we'll see who's laughing.

5 thoughts on “Six In The Morning”

  1. Re: #2, early-90s reference. I only remember Rockaberry coming in 2-litre bottles, and it tasted like cough syrup and steroids.

    Sarah will run as the most well-known and unrespected in a field of 13 for the GoP nomination, bow out early and fancy herself Queen-maker after that point. Despite their true feelings, they will accept her endorsement and the support of lower-middle/working class Walmart moms everywhere.

  2. The GoP Group of 13 consisting of everyone from inbred Ayn Rand-philosophers, to northeast traditional con elitists like Mitch Romney, mysterious far-right “coloured” candidates like Bobby Jindal, ironic anti-tax-pro-spending-compassionate-rednecks, and the emergence of the “take back the GoP” radical-centre, led by a f*cking pissed-off Charlie Crist. Tea Party movement to forget what they stand for.

Comments are closed.