Six In The Morning

1. IS HE STRONG? LISTEN, BUD. HE’S GOT RADIOACTIVE BLOOD. AND MAYBE LYMPH. The new teaser trailer for The Amazing Spiderman is out, and it looks as if director Marc Webb has Dark Knighted the premise a bit and held everything down in a bath of sobriety. Because that’s what you need when you’re telling a story about a kid who shoots webs and dresses in a red-and-blue body stocking. On the other hand, I’m a fan of Andrew Garfield and Emma Stone. Check out the POV sequence at the end of the trailer, which somehow manages to be exhilarating and video game awful all at once. That seems right for a comic book movie.

2. MAKE PIDDLE NOT WAR. A police dog named Vegas proved too timid and peaceful to carry out her job. Northumberland police are currently looking for a home for the dog, who is being described as ‘laid back’. “She didn’t particularly take to biting,” the trainer said. Also, Vegas is scared of children. Well, of course. Children are terrifying little creatures with poor impulse control and unpredictable movements. I only feel safe around them because I wear full body armour and a beekeeper’s mesh over my head.

3. DMCA FOLLIES. Universal Music has been accused of issuing fraudulent DMCA takedown notices against music they want to license. What?

4. FIRST NATIONS IN SASKATCHEWAN TO RECEIVE HIGH SPEED INTERNET. And 4G too!

5. GETTIN’ EXTRA COZY WITH CHINA. Hey, it looks like we’re ‘strategic partners’ with China now. There will be “honest differences of opinion on human rights,” but that shouldn’t stop lots and lots of money flying around. It’s hard to see human rights violations with all those bills flying through the air.

6. GOOD OLD BP, JUST DOING THE BEST IT CAN. If by “best” you mean spilling somewhere between 2,100 and 4,200 gallons of crude oil in the Arctic tundra, that is. For its next move, I hear BP is just going to send people door-to-door to light everyone on fire.

Author: Aidan Morgan

Aidan is a very serious man who's saving up for a nice dignified pipe. Then we'll see who's laughing.

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