1 BIN LADEN IS DEAD, DEAD, DEAD They shot him in the head. And the White House is trying to decide whether it should release gory photos showing “a massive head wound above his left eye where he took bullet, with brains and blood visible.” Well, they kinda have to, don’t they? Pics or it didn’t happen.
2 DON’T VOTE BLUE! VOTE ORANGE, GREEN OR RED! Support the party most likely to defeat the Conservatives, please.
3 ALL EYES ON FRED! He’s trailing in the polls but there’s still a chance Clipsham could win in his riding — which would almost certainly mark the end of his city politics career. Joe Couture has the story.
4 THE RULES MUST BE READ! Prairie dog predicts that unenforceable restrictions on social media comments during elections will be annihilated today.
5 DEAD POPE IS MAGIC, LIKE THAT JESUS-BREAD Maybe I’m just an intolerant atheist jerk picking on culture and tradition, but this whole beatification deal seems kooky to me. I know, I know, I’m probably the first person in recorded history to make fun of Catholic mysticism.
6 POOR DOGS PULLED THEIR LAST SLED The bodies of 100 dogs massacred in BC are being exhumed as part of an animal cruelty investigation.
BONUS #1: POLITICS-FREE POLL WILL CAUSE NO DREAD “Which animals do you think are the cutest?” Look for it on the right-hand side of this page.
BONUS #2: MONDAY MORNING FOLIAGE REPORT:MAYBE I’LL JUST GO BACK TO BED.