Six In The Morning: Cranky, Pissy And Telling It Like It Is

6 in the MorningUGH, MONDAY My back is inexplicably achy, I got to work late, I spent half my morning on stupid e-mail and web admin stuff, I’m on day three of a bad mood and I’m way behind on everything. Oh, and look — the world is stupid as usual. Hooray. Let’s take a closer look.

1 “THE WATER IN NORTHWEST REGINA MIGHT LOOK A LITTLE FUNNY TODAY, BUT IT’S SAFE TO DRINK” Oh, gooooood.

2 ATTACK ON THE INDIAN ACT The federal Liberals introduced a motion to launch a process to dismantle/update/something?? the Indian Act. Well, uh, okay, maybe? I missed this, but apparently a Saskatchewan Conservative private member’s bill was introduced last week along similar but guaranteed less competent lines. The Conservative government is not equipped to repair the Indian Act, and they should take direction on this or leave it alone.

3 SO SCIENTISTS ARE LEGALLY REQUIRED TO ACCURATELY PREDICT EARTHQUAKES NOW Apparently the Italian legal system is too damn dumb to understand how science works. Imbeciles.

4 FUCK YOU, MOTHER RUSSIA Two members of the dissident band Pussy Riot are shipped off to gulags for trespassing in a church and singing rude songs. The miserable, malignant goblins running the Russian Orthodox Church — who back Russia’s awful president Vladimir Putin — have their wrinkly, oily fingerprints all over this travesty. Christianity needs more Christians.

5 LANCE ARMSTRONG IS DELETED FROM HISTORY The International Cycling Union accepts a massive report by the United States Anti-Doping Agency that says Armstrong’s a dirty rotten dope-taking cheaty McCheatenstien (paraphrasing).

6 FORMER SENATOR AND U.S. PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATE GEORGE McGOVERN PASSED AWAY THIS WEEKEND More here and here and here. McGovern lost the 1972 U.S. presidential election, in a landslide, to Richard “I am not a crook” Nixon. Really, U.S. voters from 1972? You picked Nixon over the guy who wanted to get the U.S. out of Vietnam and make sure hungry people had enough to eat? How’d that work out for you? Have you, Republican voters of 40 years ago, considered the possibility that you’re ignorant, stupid, amoral garbage? Yeah, he ran a bad campaign. But Richard Nixon? Really? You bastards.

WE NEED A PUPPY, STAT This makes everything a little bit better.

Author: Stephen Whitworth

Prairie Dog editor Stephen Whitworth will never, ever pass up a chance to make a Breakin' 2: Electric Boogaloo pun.

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