1. DRIVE. DRIVE NOW. Because gas prices in Regina are falling, falling, falling to … $1.24 per litre? My god, you’d think we had to haul this stuff out of the ground or something.
2. THAT’LL LEARN ‘EM. THAT’LL LEARN ‘EM ALL THE WAY BACK TO NIGERIA. For too long we homeland-born Canadians have suffered the brunt of foreign students coming to the U of R and working for two weeks at Wal-mart. Think of all the hickory sticks we could be stuffing our faces with those wages! Think of all the interest payments we could me making on that HDTV we got from Visions last year! My home entertainment enjoyment is being eroded by those two Nigerian scofflaws. Fortunately, Federal Public Safety Minister Vic Toews has my back on this one. He won’t overturn the deportation decision levied earlier this year against the two women.
3. AND THAT’S HOW YOU CHANGE THE SASK PARTY’S MIND. As part of a Canada-wide protest, Ghosts of the Arts drew 35-40 people to the Legislative Building on Tuesday night. “Some people dressed up in sheets and said nothing at all after dark? Let’s triple arts funding!” Premier Brad Wall definitely did not say.
4. PUSSY RIOT 2: THE PUSSINATION. Polish heavy metal singer Adam Darski could face up to two years in a prison for ripping up a Bible on stage in 2007. The crime? “Offending Catholic sensibilities.”
5. EXXON MOBIL: MAKING LESS, EARNING MORE. Even though Exxon Mobil’s production declined by 7.5 per cent in the most recent quarter, its profits have “topped expectations.” Good for you, you plucky underdog.
6. MEANWHILE IN THE UK. A hedgehog got trapped in an empty bag of chips and a three and a half hour rescue effort ensued.