Six In The Morning: Nothing’s Happening Today, Oh Wait

6-in-the-morning1 VOTEY VOTEY VOTE-VOTE It’s democracy day in Saskatchewan! HOORAY! Here’s the CBC story and here’s the Leader-Post’s election page. Wondering about voting and stuff? Maybe you didn’t even get enumerated because you’re a busy, scatterbrained editor who’s often not home because he works weird hours not that I know anyone like that? It’s okay, you can still vote! Here’s where to find the info you need.

2 ITALY IS IN TROUBLE! GREECE IS IN TROUBLE! EEEK!!! Italy’s borrowing costs are up, Greece’s prime minister is out and everything is scary.

3 GO DIE OF A DRUG OVERDOSE IN AN ALLEY WHERE NO ONE HAS TO THINK ABOUT IT YOU LOSER ADDICT City officials have ordered Occupy Vancouver protesters to pack it up and ship it out after a young woman died of an overdose this weekend at the camp, cough trumped-up excuse cough.

4 AIR CANADA EMPLOYEES STRIKE ARBITRATOR FROM CHRISTMAS CARD LISTS Arbitrator Elizabeth MacPherson has ruled that the last negotiated agreement — which was rejected by Air Canada employees — shall stand.

5 CANADA’S ACTION ON GLOBAL WARMING SUCKS BUT GIVEN THAT VOTERS DON’T GIVE A SHIT AND OUR GOVERNMENT IS  BEHOLDEN TO A BRAIN-DEAD BUSINESS CLASS THAT DOESN’T “GET” SCIENCE BECAUSE THEY ALL GOT BUSINESS DEGREES INSTEAD OF A REAL UNIVERSITY EDUCATION, THINGS COULD BE WORSE We are so screwed.

6 THEY STILL LIKE ORTEGA Nicaragua’s Sandinistas are headed for a landslide win. Remember the 1980s when the U.S. backed terrorists to topple these same Sandinistas? I recall there were a few American officials who went to jail because they sold weapons to Iran to fund the Contras. Yeah, that apparently worked out great for U.S. interests.

HAVE SOME MORE NEWS WHY DON’T YOU Syria’s homicidal dickishness keeps on keepin’ on. Justin Bieber will take a paternity test because a lady says she was impregnated by his Bieberwiener. I knew Bieber was against abortion; is he also opposed to condoms? Also, Herman Cain has been quietly decreed by everyone to be a goofball. Also also, my Beloved Columbus Blue Jackets suck so hard this year. At least former coach Ken Hitchcock got out of town while the getting was good. Hey, there was a big protest over the Keystone XL pipeline yesterday — maybe a few people DO care about global warming. And did you hear about the artist who hid the Devil in the clouds? Sounds like Barack Obama can write cheques even faster than his critics can write him off. Maybe he can write a couple of cheques for the 49 million Americans living in poverty? Wait, isn’t it someone’s birthday today…?

Author: Stephen Whitworth

Prairie Dog editor Stephen Whitworth will never, ever pass up a chance to make a Breakin' 2: Electric Boogaloo pun.

3 thoughts on “Six In The Morning: Nothing’s Happening Today, Oh Wait”

  1. “…THEY ALL GOT BUSINESS DEGREES INSTEAD OF A REAL UNIVERSITY EDUCATION, THINGS COULD BE WORSE We are so screwed.”

    So what degree is worthy and free of your scorn?

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