1 DEBT CEILING ARGLE BARGLE The Republican’s anti-tax, anti-government, pro-liberty (which means legal assault weapons and illegal abortion) Tea Party faction continues to sabotage their own political party (sounds like Karma to me) and hold the global economy hostage. I suggest the first wave of government shutdowns be directed to Tea Party congressional districts. But wait!!! They’re still negotiating! Maybe they WILL craft a plan that can pass Congress and then die in the Senate. Meanwhile, U.S. president Barack Obama says there are solutions to the de3adlock but “we are almost out of time.” Also, Apple literally has more money in the bank than the United States. Uh oh.
4 I AM SIMPLY SHOCKED Saskatchewan’s rate of ATV injuries is double the national average. Will I get in trouble if I suggest that is a hilariously rednecky statistic? “That’s funny, right?” I ask our designer. “No, it sucks,” he says. Awesome Klassen is a better human being than I am.
5 SAN FRANCISCO WON’T PUT CIRCUMCISION BAN ON THE BALLOT AND SOME IDIOTIC SCHOOL IN THE BULLSHIT STATE OF MISSOURI BANS KURT VONNEGUT”S SLAUGHTERHOUSE FIVE Okay then. But male circumcision is still kinda evil. Also, Missouri sucks. What a stupid place.
6 THE PLAZA IS PARTLY OPEN! And we have photographic evidence, thanks to Awesome Klassen! Behold!