Superman’s Costume Sucks

Superman is going commando. From Dark Horizons:

Today some blurry set photos have emerged confirming that this is indeed the case with Henry Cavill spotted walking around in the suit and the red panties are no longer there. I’m just waiting for the inevitable tabloid story of behind-the-scenes headaches over the shape of the crotch – something that has happened with practically every superhero film over the past decade.

Hey, why just change the suit? Why not make Superman a half-machine wizard? Also I think it would be cool if Superman was bald and had a drinking problem to be “gritty”.

Whatever. I know what Superman’s costume looks like and that’s a pale, watered-down imitation of it. When you’re making a traditional, blockbuster Superman movie, Superman’s got to have his traditional red, white and yellows complete with the Calvin Kleins on the outside. Want to mix it up? Use the retro Fleisher logo with the black background. Want to do something different? Make a radically different and original movie. Of course that would be a real risk, not a fake one.

You can turn Batman’s outfit into an urban soldier military thing, you can put the X-Men in leather, and once and only once and only in the in the 1980s you can give Spider-Man a black suit made of aliens. This bungled Superman costume design is the kind of dumb, completely arbitrary change you get when the overpaid idiots calling the shots  have no brains, talent or taste.

Some low-Q Hollywood cokehead probably figured the shorts were the reason the last movie tanked, not the underdeveloped script, Lois Lane miscasting, that ridiculous, pointless boyfriend and overall general boringness. At least Superman Returns was an honest failure. Then again if Bryan Singer hadn’t bungled Superman Returns I wouldn’t be looking at shiny super no-pants here.

This makes me hate everything so very, very much.

Author: Stephen Whitworth

Prairie Dog editor Stephen Whitworth will never, ever pass up a chance to make a Breakin' 2: Electric Boogaloo pun.

11 thoughts on “Superman’s Costume Sucks”

  1. Reasons to keep the trunks:
    1. they break up the blue
    2. they visually define Superman’s body, especially when he’s in motion
    3. they allow for modesty

    Reasons to get rid of the trunks:
    1. it looks like underwear on the outside and that makes Superman look silly and our Superman movie is very, very serious and completely without joy and imagination

  2. also, despite the many odd things that Singer’s Superman movie did, Brandon Routh was a very sweet Superman and I was genuinely curious about what Singer had planned for the sequel (since so much of Superman Returns seemed to be setting up a larger story).

  3. Whatever you do, Steven, don’t look at the DC titles starting in September. Superman’s red-shortsless look is canon in about two weeks’ time. I believe they’re also tweaking the logo slightly, which could make it DC’s “new Coke”.

  4. Yer Right Stephen.

    A new documentary is in the works about our 1st prime minister.
    His name is Jon A. McDonald’s

    Who agreed to the boots? UGGH

    The original Logo (1939) is wrong x3.

  5. Superman Returns made some mistakes but struck a lot of the right emotional chords, especially with Routh as Clark / Superman.
    The lack of red shorts isn’t THAT big a deal…. but hopefully it doesn’t mean more, like that this Superman is more cold and asshole-ish or something. The shorts? I can forgive that as long as who Superman IS isn’t compromised.
    Hey, at least it isn’t Tim Burton’s monstrosity of an outfit (which kind of barely resembled the short-lived “electrical Superman”).
    The logo on Henry Cavill here looks kind of like Kingdom Come Superman to me…. where Superman is kind of a cold asshole… oh crap.

  6. Flipper: We can only hope. The logo sucks, too.

    Weirdly, it sounds like a lot of the plot ideas come from Geoff Johns’ Superman: Secret Origin, which A.) I liked and B.) used Christopher Reeve as the model for Superman. So bizarre that they’re going with a stupid costume when they’re following a decent idea that follows aspects of the Richard Donner movie.

    I want $200 million for my own reboot with Brandon Routh (we’ll tweak Routh’s suit a little). I’ll keep Kevin Spacey but recast Lois Lane: this time we’ll go with Kat Dennings because she’s funny and smokin’ hot in a nerdy-writer way. It will be way better than Action Zack’s movie. Just you wait.

  7. If this is the new costume that is going to be presented to the fans that have been yearning for a well made Superman movie, then all the idiots who thought up, concepted, and ultimately approved the costume, should be gutted like fish by kryptonite knives. What sheer incompetence and stupidity allowed this to happen is beyond comprenhension.

  8. The Tim Burton film would have rocked because the traditional conception of Superman they pay homage to in the movies that actually get made is a cultural throwback to a time and a mindset we should be collectively trying to forget as a society, the Tim Burton version would have negated the standard paradigm of superman the same way he amplified everything that was right about Alice In Wonderland, though with Alice he ruined the original story by caving in to the hollywood need for a ‘storyline’ with some kind of ‘logical narrative flow’ and a reason for things being as they are other than the fact that they are as they are. Plus, it’s harder to fit a 7-11, a Nokia phone, a Sears store, etc., into a Tim Burton world.

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