The Hype Is Right: “Friday” Is The Worst Song In The World

The internet is full of terrible things. Goatse images, Michelle Bachman, Anne Murray tribute videos (probably). But Rebecca Black’s “Friday,” a song about enjoying the weekend and “partying, partying, yeah, partying, partying, yeah, fun fun fun fun” is worse yet. Even Samwell’s “What What (In The Butt)” offers so much more entertainment value that it’s probably more suitable for children than this autotuned non-song.

Black is not a gifted singer. She has a range of about half an octave but fails to make use of the higher and lower ends of her range, fixing instead on one note and grinding it into your ears until they bleed. Even the lyrics seem like a unfortunate mix of Barney the Dinosaur and the most horrendous Engrish: “Yesterday was Thursday, Thursday/ Today it is Friday, Friday (Partyin’)/ We we we so excited/ We so excited/ We gonna have a ball today/ Tomorrow is Saturday/ And Sunday comes after … wards”. We so excited?

You need to watch the video, if only to get a glimpse at the inner life of someone whose most significant decision comes down to “kickin” in the front seat or “sittin” in the back seat of her friend’s car (in the video the front seats are all occupied, which pretty much renders the question moot). And don’t forget to check out the least convincing bus stop sign in the history of… bus stop signs, I guess.

The fault is not Rebecca Black’s, whose artist profile describes her as “a fun, loving, 13 year old [oh sic]” scrubbed down and Autotuned for the preteen market. Blame Ark Music Factory, a company preying on young wannabes with Bieberesque dreams and putting them on stage long before they’re ready for anything more than basement party karaoke. Witness The Ark launch party below, with its parade of hopefuls warbling and screeching their way through generic pop tunes. The highlight may be Little Nay Nay, a child who claims that she was rapping before she could talk. Don’t try to figure out what she means by that. I’ve thought about this already and I’m no closer to an answer than you are.

As one YouTube commenter put it: “I feel like the world is being Rickrolled”.

UPDATE: Just in case the Samwell reference was lost on you, here it is. Warning: you can’t unsee this once you click play.

Author: Aidan Morgan

Aidan is a very serious man who's saving up for a nice dignified pipe. Then we'll see who's laughing.

10 thoughts on “The Hype Is Right: “Friday” Is The Worst Song In The World”

  1. One of the Pile O Bones Derby club’s skaters is having “What what” as her theme song for derby this year!

    First game is April 30th if you want to watch the amazing “what what in the butt” tribute… hahahahha

  2. I have to say that I’m actually quite sympathetic to Ms. Black. This may be because I’ve had to endure an onslaught of dogshit CanCon offerings (I survived Joee’s reign of terror, among other things), but it’s probably moreso because Rebecca Black’s plight reminds me a bit of what happened to Adam Scott’s character on Parks & Recreation.

  3. There’s been a couple of things I’ve seen at Gawker that tell of women who did porn in their early 20s, who go on to a career in education and suddenly, those old porn tapes surfaces and they get fired or have to drop out of sight.

    This poor kid is going to face the same fate. She’s going to curse everything and everybody associated with a project that has made her look like a total idiot. As Dan Savage once said, one’s it’s on the internet, it’s there for all time.

  4. Damn, I can’t get that slowed-down version out of my head. It’s like some pedophile who overdosed on Halidol is drooling over a weekend party with 12 year olds.

    Did anyone else notice that they’re not wearing seat belts in the video? Those are dangerous kids.

  5. I don’t know. Yes I think it’s awful, but I feel the same way about pretty much everything that’s had commercial airplay since….. geez I can’t even remember when. I don’t see what makes it any more awful than anything else out there.

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