The Unstoppable, Massive Antarctic Ice Sheet Melt Will Flood New Jersey

Big,scary, breaking news:

The collapse of the western Antarctic ice sheet is inevitable and is already underway, scientists said on Monday.

The melt will cause up to four metres (13 feet) of additional sea-level rise over the coming centuries, devastating low-lying and coastal areas around the world – from Bangladesh to New Jersey – that are already expected to be swamped by only a few feet of sea-level rise.

Oh, great. Wait, what’s this?

But the researchers said the sea-level rise – while unstoppable – was still several centuries off, potentially up to 1,000 years away.

Oh thank god. We’ll all be dead by then. Who cares about the future anyway? Not most Canadians, that’s for sure. And NO ONE gives a rat’s ass about New Jersey. So there you go. Nothing to worry about.

Author: Stephen Whitworth

Prairie Dog editor Stephen Whitworth will never, ever pass up a chance to make a Breakin' 2: Electric Boogaloo pun.

15 thoughts on “The Unstoppable, Massive Antarctic Ice Sheet Melt Will Flood New Jersey”

  1. A little hard to get people to believe in global warming when we just had the coldest winter in 90 years or something. My grandparents have always said that this global warming is B.S. because of the extreme weather they have seen in their lifetimes over 80 years. My grandfather said they had no crops for years because of the extreme heat waves they use to get years ago. Then he brings up the dirty thirties, where they went without rain for years. Little tough to talk to the old people about climate change. What should I say?

  2. Several centuries off?
    That’s sounds like a hollywood answer;”Never in our lifetime,should this shit happen…it’s for the grandchildren to deal with”.

    Oh well, New / Old Jersey, will still have a beach.

  3. indy500 can say the same thing to her/his grandparents that I often have said to my parents. You and most all of your generation haven’t got a clue what you are talking about because you don’t read enough, listen enough or investigate enough of this issue. You listen to the loudest voices on coffee row and talk radio instead of doing a bit of homework. So – basically, stop talking about shit you know nothing about because you are distracting people from facts.

    Then my parents usually grumble a bit followed by me saying something like, “Nothing personal, but you’re hurting the world”.

  4. The western Antarctic ice sheet didn’t collapse in our grandparent’s lifetime, so they’d probably have very little to say on the matter. And you don’t need heat for a drought, or for a dust bowl – just some terrible land management, leading to erosion, and no rain.

    A hot drought may be akin to burning a grilled cheese by leaving it on broil 2 minutes too long, while global warming would be like drying out a turkey because your oven was faultily rising by 1 degree Farenheit every minute over 4 hours. Climate change are the spinoffs from global warming, like fucked-up tasting gravy.

    The polar vortex reminds me of an old man’s testicles that drop lower and lower as the strength his body once had to keep them in place is undermined.

  5. P.S. As for “getting people to believe in global warming,” that’s not really hard since most humans do. Just not everyone around this highly enlightened land mass. And no one ever said Saskatchewan was Ground Zero for climate change. Not even close.

  6. P.S. Why does a story about the incontrovertible truth that the baseline global temperature line continues to rise and ice sheets 100,000s years old are suddenly beginning to collapse trigger a deflecting anecdote about dust bowls and recently cold winters?

    THINK ABOUT IT.

    Does a cold winter mean the ice sheet is not collapsing?!?!?!?!?!? Because IT IS!

  7. indy500 can say the same thing to her/his grandparents that I often have said to my parents: “Your ice floe is waiting.”

  8. Wasn’t there once dire warnings from the same groups about another coming of the ice age in the last few decades before it got switched over to global warming/climate change?

    And always the same doom and gloom tactics too.

    Not denying the fact something is going on in the world’s weather patterns and overall climate.
    Just doubtful of all the worst case scenarios.
    Think of it as that lousy reality show Jersey Shore.

  9. MB: you’re right about the new ice age warnings. Back in the 1960s and 1970s, they came from archaeologists and the climatologists who assisted them in discovering ancient human settlement and activity patterns through methods such as analyses of tree ring growth, ice-core formation, soil stratigraphy, pollen studies, faunal evidence (from snails to mammoths), isostatic rebound, etc. Because the environmental movement was in its infancy, these ideas did not have the currency that climate change does now, but yes, there were doomsday scenarios that got occasional airing in the media.

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