There’s A New Sheriff In Popetown

As everyone but me probably heard already, the papal conclave picked the man (note: no women!) who will lead the Holy Roman Catholic Church forward to new adventures in sexist discrimination, attacks on gay and lesbian rights (and rites),opposition to divorce and birth control and whatever other rando ju-ju mysticism* that cloistered (and often closeted) Catholic wizards are selling these days. Everyone, meet cardinal Jorge Mario Bergoglio, a.k.a. Pope Francis!

(Alas,they didn’t pick Canadian cardinal Marc Ouellett. Guess he’ll have to keep his secret pope-identity hidden for now.)

Let me just say, the conclave picked this pope in the nick of time because there’s all sorts of ungodly perversion going on that needs Pope Frank’s immediate attention. For instance: today’s Leader-Post has a story on Saskatchewan wildlife’s tough winter. Just look at this blasphemy:

Among the deer population, pregnant does are more likely to reabsorb their fawns rather than give birth, which will further affect their numbers into 2014. The decline will no doubt affect hunters when provincial officials set quotas and season lengths for the different species in early spring.

In other words, in the absence of a pope Canadian deer are giving themselves abortions to protect their offspring from hunters’ guns (which is clearly God’s perogative, not a mother deer’s).

Does Pope Frank have something up his sleeve for this sort of theological situation? We can only hope.

*Giving sanctuary to pedophiles

Author: Stephen Whitworth

Prairie Dog editor Stephen Whitworth will never, ever pass up a chance to make a Breakin' 2: Electric Boogaloo pun.

26 thoughts on “There’s A New Sheriff In Popetown”

  1. Your ignorance about the Catholic Church is surpassed only by your ignorance of ungulate biology.

  2. I find all of this pope garbage exactly that. Garbage. What up with all the hubbub for some old white dud(e) who will continue to pay off molested children for their silence? And Barb, why educate ourselves on Catholicism when we could just read another made-up story, a hopefully better written one.

  3. Barb: I’m fine with Catholics, lapsed Catholics, cultural Catholics and Dog Blog Catholics. I was rather a fan of liberation theology — the way priests risked (and often lost) their lives for the poor in Latin America was heroic. I’m just out of patience with homophobic and irrational doctrine that hurts people.

  4. Maybe overstating this a bit, but the Pope basically sets the religious course for 1.2 billion people. If they elected a progressive, or moderate Pope (remains to be seen), it could greatly impact the world through various means, ex. birth control, gay rights, women’s rights. So yeah, it is kind of a big deal Lil Jewels.

  5. Feh, Stephen. All you care about is how “witty” you might be to a few heavy drinkers with practically no brain cells left.

  6. My abstract, daydreaming sense is that Catholicism presents itself as the ultimate authority, until a more brutal authority (or scandal) comes along. Then it just plays dead. I guess Barb must be a Catholic; I haven;t really heard her say anything to defend the Catholic Church in any way…just acting all offended when we mouth breathers fail to slobber on the ring.

  7. “Some people say alcohol makes them less lucid. I guess that’s true if you’re kind of stupid.” Lou Reed, “The Power of Positive Drinking”

  8. Good guess, Talbot, but you need to do a lot more careful reading and a lot less daydreaming, so that (a) you don’t make errors of fact, and (b) you don’t ascribe false motives to people.

  9. This news only matters to those who follow the Catholic faith and it’s pope.
    To the rest of us who don’t care, this news doesn’t concern us.
    If he’s a moderate open to reforms, then hey great. If not, oh well, life goes on.

  10. Anybody following other news like Joe Biden giving a speech and having a Q and A about domestic violence and saying “Do you mean real domestic violence or just the garden variety slap across the face?”

    LOL. So many double standards and too many “If that was a Republican….” to count. So when do Stephen and Rosie demand his head?

  11. No, Snowfish. If I write a comment on a news story, I am single mindedly focused on that one news story. For days, I will devote 100% of my energies to reading all the minutiae available online that might inform my blog comment and everything else falls to the wayside. I forget about city hall issues and national concerns. I don’t eat or sleep. My children go hungry. “What about Rihanna and Chris Brown??!?” Who? I don’t care. I’m so glad that this new pope thing is about to blow over so that I can get back to my normal life.

  12. And, by the way Snowfish, that’s not what Biden said. But the video was creatively edited by some conservative scamps to make it look like he did.

    From the apology by the National Review Online blogger who initially posted that video:

    Editor’s Note: This post has been amended since its original posting.

    UPDATE: I apologize for my initial post which clipped the vice president in mid-sentence. I did not properly check the video in my haste. The complete remark, now on the amended post, changes the meaning. I sincerely apologize to the vice president and to our readers.

    If I were to use the tactics of American conservatives though I could edit that quote thusly:

    Editor’s Note: This post has been amended since its original posting.

    UPDATE: I apologize for my initial post which clipped the vice president in mid-sentence. I did not properly check the video in my haste. The complete remark, now on the amended post, changes the meaning. I sincerely apologize to the vice president and to our readers.

    To get:

    UPDATE: I am a cock.

    And then I could run a blog post with a headline like “Conservative Blogger Calls Self ‘Cock’, What A Cock!”

    Would you uncritically report on this admission by a conservative blogger in the comments section of some other blog? Or do you have a double standard?

  13. Yeah MB, who cares about the millions of people across the world who aren’t provided birth control because the Pope is opposed. If a progressive Pope came in they could do wonders by garnering support for these causes and make a real difference. But yeah, AIDs, over-population, starvation, meh. So 3rd world. BUT DO NOT tear down a falling apart old school in the CATHEDRAL!!!

  14. Not saying you were specifically against the Connaught rebuild, MB,more of a general exaggerated comment about some of the priorities exposed here. Yeah, we still need to care about what’s going on in our City and immediate surroundings, but let’s not lose sight of and discount bigger issues that do have serious consequences. If you’re not Catholic, religious, ok, but because of personal beliefs and the admittedly over-the-top media coverage elsewhere don’t act like the Pope has no impact on the world; he might be one of the most powerful persons in the world right now.

  15. Without resorting to research (pfft!), I can only think that the deer are reabsorbing their fawns orally. I’m picturing the fawns to be bite-sized but fully formed, little deer chocolates that the mother could just pop in her mouth on the run.

  16. I can sure tell who flunked biology…and who’s too lazy to do a quick fact-check on Google.

  17. I actually got a solid 51% in biology without ever attending, so there! That’s why I just can’t believe that any female mammal can ‘reabsorb’ a fetus, and is also why I can’t be bothered to google it myself.

  18. @18/19) No Problem Brony. I get you were only using the Connaught rebuild in contrast to something bigger. I have no opinion/comment about it about this old school issue. I’m EX-Catholic.
    I still respect the faith for promoting peace and aiding in the poor & less fortunate, but not the BS that it has become. The Pope plays a big part in that BS because he is symbolized as being the leader of it.
    The Pope and Catholic religion doesn’t have the same world influence and impact it once did.
    It’s a shadow of it’s former self. And of the estimated 1.2 billion Catholics in the world, how many of them are still truly devoted and practicing what the faith teaches and preaches? Far fewer than they care to admit. The only influece the Pope has is in countries where the Catholic faith is still strong and not where it has dramatically declined. Nuff said.

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