We Haz Grey Cup! Must Drink! Here’s How!

WE WON ALL THE FOOTBALLZ! Ha ha! Now let’s go find some alcohol! BUT WAIT! It’s mental out there! There are line-ups! Confusion! Pandemonium! What to do? Fear not, for Prairie Dog has advice for this situation in our Unofficial Grey Cup Manual — and I’m reprinting it below so you don’t have to scroll all the way through our whatever-thousand word feature to find it.

LISTEN UP. During the Grey Cup, there will be a massive increase in dining, imbibing and other indulging. The local establishments will do their part to keep the town fed and watered, but don’t forget: THIS IS A TWO WAY STREET. There are rules, guidelines and things you just need to keep in mind. Such as:

1.) PLEASE BE PATIENT If you waited in line to get in, then the place is packed. The staff are working their butts off so you can get in and out. WE ALL WANT THE SAME THINGS. Large parties and big groups; be understanding. You may wait longer for seating, you may not  all be able to sit together, and you may not receive separate checks. I’m sorry.

2.) ALWAYS HAVE YOUR ID ON YOU Wedding rings, facial hair, a sense of entitlement, etc. do not count as government issued identification, and are not going to get you served alcohol. Don’t be surprised or offended when we ask for it.

3.) DON’T BE A JERK WHEN YOU SIT DOWN Pick a table that is appropriately sized to accommodate your party. Two people at a table for 10 is selfish and ignorant.

4.) HOLLERING DON’T DO IT! No whistling, no snapping, no grabbing, no sexual harassment, and no my name is not “Bro” or “Babe”.

5.) WHAAAT DO YOU WAAANT??? Know your order. Feel free to ask questions, but have some sort of idea what you want. I am not telepathic, and I probably have a lot of other tables to get to.

6.) ANTICIPATE YOUR NEEDS Order rounds of drinks, not just one at a time. If the server is at the table and you will need a drink in the next 10 minutes, order. Avoid over-complicating your order.

7.) CASH IS KING Always have cash or be prepared to throw down a card for that tab. NO DEBIT AT THE BAR!

8.) TIPPING Industry average is 20 per cent. There are a slew of folks (cooks, bartenders, bussers, hosts, dishwashers) that get a portion of this tip. Good service should be rewarded — and so will good tipping. WINK! No, not that kind of wink, you idiot. Don’t be gross.

9.) BE NICE, GOD DAMMIT All jokes aside, the nicer you are to a server, the better your service will be. If a server likes you, strings can be pulled. It’s not all about money… being polite gets you a long way. R-E-S-P-E-C-T. With all that in mind, have fun. Be safe. Don’t drink and drive. Tip your cabby. Peace.

This concerned message was brought yoby two anonymous local servers.

In conclusion, woooooooooooooo!

Author: Stephen Whitworth

Prairie Dog editor Stephen Whitworth will never, ever pass up a chance to make a Breakin’ 2: Electric Boogaloo pun.