Four In The Afternoon

1. YOU WILL STILL GET YOUR COFFEE. For some reason, The Globe And Mail is running the story about the resignation of Tim Hortons CEO Don Schroeder on its web site in the ‘front page’ headline section — even though Schroeder’s departure in no way affects the lives of ordinary Canadians, who will continue to get their doughnuts and coffee wherever the hell they please. The article also spells “doughnut” as “donut,” because The Globe And Mail, as it turns out, can’t spell. I don’t know whether that’s related to their inability to distinguish business news from actual general interest stories, but who knows? Stranger things have happened!

2. TRULY UNIVERSAL ROCKING. The Leader Post would like you know that Burton Cummings rocked Regina on the night of Tuesday, May 24. If you read the article, though, you’ll notice no reference to the fact that Cummings literally lifted the city of Regina and tilted it back and forth, back and forth, until we all dropped off soundly and gently to sleep. Instead the piece talks about the concert he played at the Conexus Art Centre.

3. WEIRD BRUTALIST EXECUTION SQUARE TO BECOME BEAUTIFUL PLAZA BY AUGUST. I’ve been enjoying, in my own way, the achingly slow transformation of downtown 12th Avenue into a vast concrete slab studded with poles whose only function, I’m guessing, involves chaining prisoners up before their scheduled beheadings (or however we’re doing the death penalty these days). But  the City tells us that Ye Olde Beheaderie will soon be a completed project, possibly by August.

4. BEST IDEA OF ALL TIME FOILED BY KILLJOY COPS. Saskatoon police busted a ‘dial-a-dope’ operation. Do we, um, have one of these in Regina? I want to alert police to the scourge of, uh, these fiends. Who will supply drugs with a quick call or text.

BONUS: Here is ten minutes of “If Ever I See You Again,” which is the worst film you will ever see. Director, composer and star Joseph Brooks recently committed suicide. He faced multiple sexual assault charges. Plus his son may have killed a woman. Anyway, this is some incredibly bad filmmaking.

Author: Aidan Morgan

Aidan is a very serious man who’s saving up for a nice dignified pipe. Then we’ll see who’s laughing.