1. Create a summer skating rink for my trained mice by filling the deep freeze with Regina tap water. Dudes, those tiny skates are so hard to lace up, you have no idea.
2. Dip my toes in a stream of Regina tap water and pretend I’m standing in a crystal clear babbling brook, not the alley behind my building.
3. Seal my windows and doors and fill my living room with Regina tap water. Then I bust out the manatee costume I got off eBay and open the city’s first aquarium.
4. Start FedExing cardboard boxes of water to random people with the message “Happy Splashing! from your hydro-santa.” Also, change my name to Hydro-santa.
5. Invent a water-powered car. Fill it up with Regina tap water. Drive out to the Victoria Square parking lot and follow shoppers into the Zellers, screaming “Come at me bro!”
6. Now that I have my water-powered car, I can attach hoses to the tank and launch the world’s first mobile involuntary shower. Prepare to get all clean, pedestrians and housefronts and municipal road workers.
7. Call NASA and tell them to stop looking to space for a new source of water because I’ve got, like, a whole resevoir’s worth of the stuff running out of my taps now.
8. Turn the Transition Area into Splash Acres.
9. Run my tap and run my tap and run it and run it and AWWWW YEAAAAHHHH WATER THE STUFF OF LIFE run my tap.