Weekly Reckoning: Love Approaches Edition

weekly-reckoningWelcome, people in love or about to fall in love, people combing their hair in anticipation of love, people zipping up their love preparation jumpsuits, even people drawing up a cost-benefit love analysis, whatever. We’re a week out from Valentine’s Day and love is rumbling towards you over the horizon, its engines belching, its terrible treads grinding the earth beneath, and so on. Here are some timely love links to get you “in the mood” (a mood for donning jumpsuits, that is! Ha ha, just kidding, not really please put on your jumpsuit now and shut the blast doors, love is coming and it’s armed to the teeth).

1. THE ONLY COSMOPOLITAN ARTICLE YOU WILL EVER NEED Krista McHarden and her boyfriend set themselves a task that I can’t imagine trying without either the blessings of youth or some serious pharmaceuticals: try all of the sex from 50 Shades of Grey in one weekend. Read on and discover that the wild sex of 50 Shades is… sort of vanilla.

2. MODERN LOVE The weirdest detail from this article about a woman falling in love over Instagram is a cameo appearance from Bill Cosby. Roland Barthes would approve of the reality-enhancing effect of this detail.

3. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ A recent study from Match.com discovered an intriguing correlation: people who used more emojis in text messages had more sex. Unfortunately, this does not mean that throwing an emoji into a text message will get you sex on your next date. Unless you’re texting an emoji fetishist?

4. QUEER TIMES AT THE STRIP CLUB M.J. Corey, a self-described “lesbian idiot,” decided to celebrate her 25th birthday at a strip club and wrote a tongue-in-cheek email to her invitees about general strip club decorum (I think “bring lots of small bills” about covers it). Then Jezebel got hold of the email and mocked her fairly mercilessly. So let’s read Corey’s side of the story.

5. BUT THE SEXTING IS JUST INSUFFERABLE Yes, there’s a term for the sexual attractiveness of smarts and the people who go ga-ga for grey matter. Behold the sapiosexual.

 

 

Go On Without Me, I’m Done For

Hearts & BonersWhoa! About two hours ago a flock of germs scooped me up and beat the lunch out of me! It’s gotta be the plague–the horrible plague that’s been going around Regina lately that’s destroying journalists and civilians alike. It’s going to be all I can do to stagger home. But even if my Valentine’s Day is over, there’s still plenty of love left for you, dear Dog Blog friends. So I’ll leave you with this old favourite video by Brighton Port Authority (a.k.a. Fatboy Slim and sidkicks, incl. David Byrne). It’s sexy and fun and great.

Just wash your hands after watching it.

Remember meee! [barfs]

Seduction 101: Chocolate-Dipped Rodents

Hearts & BonersYou might remember Bronx Zoo Cobra from a couple of Prairie Dog interviews over the past — I dunno, year or two? — including this one Brotheridge did during the recent American election campaign (scroll down).  Well, our favourite New Yorker (tied with Stephen Colbert) has written a sage column on love and dating. It’s great! You’ll learn about such things as the  importance of a clean ophidiarium and the etiquette around licking potential mates.

Frankly, the whole thing’s a must read. Sample:

Now that you have established compatibility, spend some time together. In the snake kingdom, the female snake plays hard to get for a while. I highly recommend this. You don’t want to wind up with someone just interested in getting some tail. And we’re mostly tail. Nobody wants the snake who gives her venom for free. So, take your time and get to know each other. It’s not mating day; it’s mating season.

Nuggets of wisdom like that don’t grow on scales like mites, you know. So read the whole thing, especially if  you find yourself single on Valentine’s Day.

Hearts & Boners: A Little Bit of Both, Really

Hearts & BonersFeeling lonely this Valentine’s Day? Not anymore, you’re not! The Found Footage Festival has a new main squeeze ready to sweep you off your feet. The Instant Adoring Boyfriend is here to shower you with compliments, struggle with putting whipped cream on leftover chocolate cake and holy shit is he ready to watch you sleep.

Put on your finest seafaring gear, because you’re in for some smokin’ hot dreamboat action!

http://blip.tv/found-footage-festival/instant-adoring-boyfriend-6197637

Hearts & Boners: A Valentine’s Day Loveblog

Hearts & BonersHoly poop, it’s Valentine’s Day! And Dog Blog is fucking ready for it with our first annual Hearts & Boners: A Valentine’s Day Loveblog. Throughout the day, Prairie Dog writers will be sharing their…thoughts? Perversions?  Regrets? Who knows! Not me! The important thing is, we have a logo and we’re going to use it.  If this all ends in tears you have no one to blame but us.

Anyway, expect, um, stuff, such as this clip of Kat Dennings (possibly the world’s most perfect female) saying the word “boner”.

(The clip is inexplicably cranky on my machine–if you have problems, just refresh.)