Weekly Reckoning: Love Approaches Edition

weekly-reckoningWelcome, people in love or about to fall in love, people combing their hair in anticipation of love, people zipping up their love preparation jumpsuits, even people drawing up a cost-benefit love analysis, whatever. We’re a week out from Valentine’s Day and love is rumbling towards you over the horizon, its engines belching, its terrible treads grinding the earth beneath, and so on. Here are some timely love links to get you “in the mood” (a mood for donning jumpsuits, that is! Ha ha, just kidding, not really please put on your jumpsuit now and shut the blast doors, love is coming and it’s armed to the teeth).

1. THE ONLY COSMOPOLITAN ARTICLE YOU WILL EVER NEED Krista McHarden and her boyfriend set themselves a task that I can’t imagine trying without either the blessings of youth or some serious pharmaceuticals: try all of the sex from 50 Shades of Grey in one weekend. Read on and discover that the wild sex of 50 Shades is… sort of vanilla.

2. MODERN LOVE The weirdest detail from this article about a woman falling in love over Instagram is a cameo appearance from Bill Cosby. Roland Barthes would approve of the reality-enhancing effect of this detail.

3. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ A recent study from Match.com discovered an intriguing correlation: people who used more emojis in text messages had more sex. Unfortunately, this does not mean that throwing an emoji into a text message will get you sex on your next date. Unless you’re texting an emoji fetishist?

4. QUEER TIMES AT THE STRIP CLUB M.J. Corey, a self-described “lesbian idiot,” decided to celebrate her 25th birthday at a strip club and wrote a tongue-in-cheek email to her invitees about general strip club decorum (I think “bring lots of small bills” about covers it). Then Jezebel got hold of the email and mocked her fairly mercilessly. So let’s read Corey’s side of the story.

5. BUT THE SEXTING IS JUST INSUFFERABLE Yes, there’s a term for the sexual attractiveness of smarts and the people who go ga-ga for grey matter. Behold the sapiosexual.

 

 

Weekly Reckoning

weekly-reckoning1. YOUR BOOM HAS BEEN DELAYED BY INCLEMENT WEATHER The provincial government is withdrawing $135 million from its “rainy day fund” to patch up a few leaky holes in its budget. The hole is called “potash revenues that we were so sure about because primary resource economies are so endlessly resilient.” At least we have a rainy day fund.

2. IN POST-SOVIET RUSSIA, CUSTOMS BLOCKS YOUR FREE DRUNK My favourite story from Sochi so far – even more than mass canicide or dangerous face water – is the Molson beer fridge that only opens for people with Canadian passports. It turns out, though, that the fabled fridge is largely empty. Russian customs is apparently holding up the delicious, delicious beer at the border.

3. BLACK MARKET STARBUCKS! More Sochi weirdness: squirreled away at NBC headquarters in Sochi is a secret Starbucks with 15 baristas (Starbucks is not an Olympics sponsor, so they’re forbidden from having any official presence at the games). I guess NBC didn’t get the news (zing) that Starbucks coffee is pretty lousy.

4. SO MUCH FOR 3D PORN It seems that 3D pornography is just not delivering on its “promise”. Much like strapping men who deliver pizzas to oversexed women in satin underwear, only to accept money and move on to the next address.

5. A FAREWELL TO STADIUMS. STADIA? Here’s a tale of what happens to aging stadiums. Stadia? Lots of photos! Much graffiti. So dead tech.

Rosie’s Six In The A.M. Features An Outraged Stephen Colbert, Collapsing Journalism (in More Ways Than One) And A Guy On a Buffalo

6-in-the-morning1 BENGOUGH? BENGOUGH. It’s cattle and Conservative country, where the townsfolk traditionally run people like me out of their sight. But the Gateway Music Festival has attracted Steve Earle and Corb Lund, for starters … holy moly, it appears they have a pretty good lineup.

2 LET IT SNOW (NOT) … I don’t think I’ll be singing that song to my former bosses in Melville, after the former home of Community Publishing (Prairie Dog used to get printed there long ago, but the printing presses shut down in 2008 and most of the printing now gets done in Estevan). The weight of this year’s snow pack caved in the roof yesterday.

3 NATURE OF THE BUSINESS Let’s face it, Melville isn’t the only place where the roof is falling in on the newspaper industry. The Boston Globe’s publisher recently told a conference that his newspaper used to make from $160 to $180 million on classified advertising alone. That’s gone, and thanks to Internet sites such as Monster.com, it ain’t comin’ back.

4 IN OTHER NEWS, MY MOTHER-IN-LAW WONDERS WHERE I GOT THE BLING FOR BUYING HAIR CARE PRODUCTS AT DOLLAR TREE The author of the book Friday Night Lights, Buzz Bissinger, won the Internet a couple of days ago when he wrote in GQ that in order to deal with his sexual dysfunction, he went out and bought clothes. A lot of clothes. A lot of very, very strange clothes unless he’s trying to a second career as a bouncer at a leather bar … “eighty-one leather jackets, seventy-five pairs of boots, forty-one pairs of leather pants, thirty-two pairs of haute couture jeans, ten evening jackets, and 115 pairs of leather gloves.” Buzz is in rehab now, for a mild bipolar disorder. (You mean, somebody can work in journalism and make enough money to afford all that? Who knew?)

5 SAD NEWS I attended the University of Regina in the early 1980s, and shared a Logic 100 class with about 100 others, including Ron Lancaster Jr. The son of Ron Lancaster, and a pretty good CFL coach in his own right, passed away yesterday in his Hamilton apartment at the age of 50.

6 DEFENSE OF GAY MARRIAGE ACT Stephen Colbert launches a freakout after Papa Bear (Bill O’Rielly) goes to play for the other team. In other news, the lawsuits regarding the Defense of Marriage Act and California’s Proposition 9 (and how the Supreme Court is probably going to throw them both out) is succinctly and entertainingly explained here. And for the bigots in the crowd … were these quotes made by people opposed to gay marriage or those opposed to inter-racial marriage? And could you tell the difference?
HE’S MAKING IT UP AS HE GOES ALONG Let me get this straight. Brad Wall cuts the Saskatchewan Film and Video Tax Credit, saying that it’s propping up an economically unsustainable industry. Then he tells everybody opposing the decision — even the Saskatchewan Chamber of Commerce — to go pound sand. Then he says the government has studies that show it’s unsustainable. The studies don’t appear to exist, because his government never asked for studies about the film/video tax credit: they only asked for spin doctors to rationalize that decision AFTER the government made the decision. Christ on a crutch, if Wall was any denser we could use him as a sandbag.

YOUR MUSICAL MOMENT OF ZEN PART ONE: The greatest song in the world …

YOUR MUSICAL MOMENT OF ZEN PART TWO: In honour of the Saskatchewan film industry, here’s R.E.M. covering Richard Thompson.

In Honour Of Stompin’ Tom Connors, Rosie Encourages Everybody To Stamp Their Heels Through A Sheet Of Plywood While Reading This Six In The Morning

Six!1 MAY STOMPIN’ TOM GO TO HEAVEN, AND MAY THAT HEAVEN BARE A RESEMBLANCE TO A SUDBURY SATURDAY NIGHT When I was growing up, Stompin’ Tom Connors was like Johnny Cash –- someone we could easily mock without understanding where he came from, without understanding we were mocking a part of ourselves. But he sang about regular, working people, something that’s lost in the age of Beliebers. Here’s his final message to his fans, here’s a cool Huffington Post article about how an immigrant learned about the real Canada through Stompin’ Tom’s work, here’s a link to what I think is his best song – written for the CBC in 1972 for a television show (Mothercorp won’t let me embed its videos) and well … read on.

2 PICKING A FIGHT ON THE WAY TO A VENEZUELAN FUNERAL Stephen Harper should learn some manners before it’s too late.

3 NOBODY LIKES STEVIE, EVERYBODY HATES STEVIE, HIS POLITICAL CAREER IS GOING TO THE GARDEN TO EAT WORMS When The Great Pollster comes to rank Stephen Harper, let it be said that every major newspaper in Canada save the Toronto Star endorsed this jerk in the last election. The news is not just that it’s a three-way race: the news is that the Cons are in free-fall everywhere except Alberta and Saskatchewan and the Liberals, with no leader and no money, are nearly tied with the ruling party.

4 MERCY FOR ME, NOT FOR THEE It’s interesting to watch Tom Flanagan try to rewrite history, in this case, trying to explain away his statements that people watching child porn should get treatment, not jail, after he once said that people who watch child porn shouldn’t get persecuted by the state. See, the whole point of the Calgary School is that they think people should be free to do what they want, no matter who they hurt –- whether it’s the economy, the environment or, in this case, child porn. So what if someone’s life or someone’s civilization gets destroyed? They have a need to be satisfied.

(BTW, the guy who did the video of Flanagan spouting off about this is an activist with Idle No More — a sign that they may have gone from a talking circle to a real and true force that has the means to oppose Harper, rather than just resort to theatrics.)

5 MAYBE THE REGINA CATHOLIC SCHOOL BOARD WANTS THEM TO DO THE LINDY HOP INSTEAD I’ve been out of the loop for a while, so I don’t understand what the Harlem Shake is, let alone what would cause it to freak out a principal of a Catholic high school. (I’m sure the college of cardinals electing a new pope will get right on it.) But Riffel’s student council president got fired by the principal after telling a reporter why he didn’t understand why the principal banned it. Dean Wormer would have been proud. I wonder if Scott Woloshin is any relation to Kelly Woloshin, who was the Carillon’s sports editor in the early 1980s …

6 PIT THE POOR MALE PORN STAR I feel sorry for James Deen. How would he have known that appearing in a movie with Lindsey Lohan would have been a bad career move?

YOUR MUSICAL MOMENT OF ZEN Any other time, I would have instead used this photo I found on Twitter of Olivia Newton John and Billy Bragg together. (According to Olivia’s feed they sang a duet on something called The One Show recently. It’s the late show on BBC One, naturally). But the death of a Canadian icon calls for something else.

[James Brotheridge here. I think Rosie’s video got lost somewhere along the way. In place of whatever he had in mind, here’s another tribute to Stompin’ Tom, courtesy of Prairie Dog writer Mason Pitzel’s Facebook page.]

Music Video: Today At Lunch, Spread That Peanut Butter

Um. I hate tagging anything “NSFW“, but this video might be Too Fucking Awesome (“TFA”?) for some work places. Thought Regina might be in need of a happy-gay-lucky pick-me-up today, what with the water thing, the rising rents, electoral boundaries and everything else, please see the rest of the Dog Blog for details. Keywords for this post: sex-positive, delicious, queer as fuck.

Pick Of The Day: Taboo Naughty… But Nice Show

If you visit the Canwest Productions website you’ll find that the full title of this show is actually Taboo… the Naughty But Nice Sex Show. It’s been going for five or six years now, and specializes in the promotion and sale of products and services designed to help people spice up their sex lives and explore different facets of erotica that might intrigue them.

Taboo goes tonight and Sunday at Conexus Arts Centre. Hours are noon to midnight Saturday, and noon-5 p.m. Sunday. Tickets are $10 online, and $15 at door.

And to play us out, here’s video from 2008 of Christina Aguilera (with Redman) peforming “Dirty”:

Dan MacRae On Losing It

Have you read the funny, funny Dan MacRae in Prairie Dog and thought, “How did he lose his virginity?” Luckily, he’s willing to share. He recently told the story of his first time for the MTV Canada show Losing It.

If it feels like a well-developed bit of business, it’s not just because MacRae’s obviously been dwelling on this for a minute. This has been (or at least used to be) a staple of his stand-up sets. Thanks to MTV Canada for capturing it in front of a a white background, as it was meant to be seen. So go ahead: go watch it. It’s the sixth episode, and Dan is in the last segment.

In other Dan MacRae news, he announced recently that he and the talented Christi Olson are engaged, a union heartily endorsed by everyone at Prairie Dog, I’m sure.

Rosie’s Six In The A.M. Is A Day Late, But Art Is Timeless

IT’S THE COMPANY YOU KEEP Using the logic Senator Pam Wallin uses in Wednesday’s Globe and Mail column, my mother, who hasn’t lived in the Auld Country since she married my father and moved to Canada in 1961, should be eligible to represent Scotland in the House of Lords. But Wallin should know better: the discussion of where she lives as opposed to what region she represents in the Canadian Senate is a crock. Her job is to genuflect on The Greatness That Is Stephen Harper, and to do that, it doesn’t matter whether she picks up her mail in Wadena, Toronto or Qo’nos, the home planet of the Klingon Empire.

IT’S THE COMPANY YOU KEEP (PART 2) Liberal Leadership candidate Justin Trudeau came in for some grief recently when he questioned the quality of Senate appointments made by Prime Minister Harper. In a way he’s quite naive to expect people to merely acquiesce in changing the porkers feeding at the public trough. But Trudeau is right in a way. Mr. Armchair Psychologist says that Harper is a deeply insecure person, and like everyone who has put himself in a totalitarian position (Hitler, Stalin, Richard III, Nixon, Dick Cheney), Harper surrounds himself with people who appear incapable of independent thought or action because he’s scared that if anyone else can prove they can do a better job than him, they could potentially oust him.

SOMEWHERE AN NRA MEMBER IS CONSIDERING CHRISTOPER DORNAN A PATRIOT One of the major reasons the National Rifle Association says Americans need their guns is that that they need to be able to take on the government when (in their opinion) the government is acting tyrannically. It seems to me that Christopher Dornan filled all the boxes in the NRA’s checklist … and look what happened to him

HE ALSO TESTED POSITIVE FOR BALL Hedo Turkoglu, during his time with the NBA’s Toronto Raptors, didn’t do much for his mega-salary except exhale carbon dioxide, which the plants in the Air Canada Centre need to breathe. He’s now with Orlando Magic, one of the NBA’s worst teams – or, he will be in 21 games, after he serves his suspension for taking banned substances. This merely gives me an excuse to YouTube the greatest interview in Canadian basketball history.

THIS IS WHY GARRY BREITKREUZ NOW WANTS THE FEDERAL GOVERNMENT TO PROHIBIT THE REGISTRATION OF DILDOS An Ontario Provincial Police officer, a Toronto tow-truck driver, an interrogation room, and two sex toys. Usually, the porno parody comes first. Thankfully, the charges against the tow-truck driver were dropped.

YOUR MUSICAL MOMENT OF ZEN In honour of the number six on this list, here’s Naughty By Nature with … wait for it …

Hearts & Boners: Breast Cancer PSA

Hearts & BonersI’m interrupting this day of love and frivolity for an important public service announcement: Cancer is really bad. It kills people. And one shitty kind of cancer that predominantly (but not exclusively) affects women is breast cancer. Unfortunately, some of the marketing by charitable organizations that fund breast cancer research and support programs uses young female models with large, lush, beautiful breasts which rocks is just tasteless, insensitive pandering to heterosexual male wallets. Breast cancer isn’t a joke and “save the boobies” campaigns are tacky and insulting (I just watched this commercial seven times in a row because I was so offended).

Fortunately, sexy hunks have been recruited to fight breast cancer and there are videos.

You can learn more about cancer here and looks at hunks here (probably NSFW).

Hearts & Boners: A Little Bit of Both, Really

Hearts & BonersFeeling lonely this Valentine’s Day? Not anymore, you’re not! The Found Footage Festival has a new main squeeze ready to sweep you off your feet. The Instant Adoring Boyfriend is here to shower you with compliments, struggle with putting whipped cream on leftover chocolate cake and holy shit is he ready to watch you sleep.

Put on your finest seafaring gear, because you’re in for some smokin’ hot dreamboat action!

http://blip.tv/found-footage-festival/instant-adoring-boyfriend-6197637

Six In The Morning

1. THE OSCAR NOMINEES HAVE BEEN UNLEASHED. It’s a warm morning in Regina (but cold and storms are coming), so in consideration of the balmy weather, the Academy of Important Flicks announced the nominees for the Oscar ceremonies. It’s the usual round of pious and portentous films (Life of Pi, Lincoln) with a couple of interesting choices thrown in (Django Unchained, Amour). More interesting by far is a consideration of the snubbed and ignored. Moonrise Kingdom? A writing nomination. The Master? Acting nominations only – not even a nod for the 70mm cinematography. And where the hell is Holy Motors in the foreign language category? What, did they only release twenty films in 2012? Screw those guys.

2. WAIT, YOU HAVE TO PAY A LICENSE TO OWN A TV IN THE UK? According to the TV Licensing Authority, there are still 13,000 black and white television sets in use in the UK. The number surprised me initially, but it turns out that annual television licenses are only a third of the price for black and white sets. Then again, we’re talking about a country where the biggest book distributor is set to be McDonalds.

3. I GUESS THEY DIDN’T POLL THAT FARMER WHO HATED “VOICE OF FIRE.” Canadian Heritage polled the Canadian public (that’s us!) on our engagement with the arts, and it turns out that, dudes, we are so super-engaged that we’re all like, “Go arts! Fund that shizzle! Let’s book it to a live performance now!” Because that’s how we roll, bro. The Harper Government is expected to roll up the results of the poll and cover it in cheese and a mild salsa verde.

4. WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON WITH THE DEFENCE DEPARTMENT.  Here’s a disheartening read about counterfeit Chinese electronics in Canada’s Hercules C-130J aircraft. Oh my God, you may be thinking, I’m glad that they discovered those fake electronics six months ago. Now they can get on with the business of replacing them with genuine parts. Ah hah hah, no. Apparently the government has no concerns, because the planes have been working just fine so far. Just fine! The fact that 27 per cent of the counterfeit chips failed in lab tests doesn’t bother them, I guess. In related news, we’ll be hiring soldiers from Matchbox for the foreseeable future. Minister MacKay is scheduled to conduct a recruiting drive from one of those vending machines at the grocery store. “I hope I get a few paratroopers,” Mr. MacKay said as he twisted the knob on the machine.

5. CHRONIC PREMATURE FEMALE ORGASM. Apparently it exists.

6. GOOD NEWS FOR THOSE DERANGED FREE WILLY FANS OUT THERE. A pack of killer whales, trapped for the last two days in pack ice off the coast of northern Quebec, is now free to go about its previous business. Of killing. Hey, they’re not called event planning whales.

“I Have Prayed Before Not To Have Another Child But The Condom Worked Better”

That headline is lifted from an interview in an Associated Press article that appeared in Friday’s Leader-Post examining the fallout from a bill passed into law by Filipino President Benigno Aquino III last month called the Responsible Parenthood & Reproductive Health Act.

The law, which provides for state funded contraception for poor Filipinos as a means of helping the country overcome problems of poverty, homelessness and crowded slums, has come under sharp criticism from Catholic church leaders in the Philippines who regard it as an attack on the church’s core values.

A legal challenge has been mounted but even among observant Filipino Catholics — like the 30-year old woman quoted above, who has five children aged two to 12 and works as a roadside vendor — the law has strong support. So attempts by the church to challenge it aren’t likely to succeed, and instead will probably diminish its moral authority in the country by emphasizing how out of touch church leaders are with mainstream Filipinos.

Here’s a link to the article.

Today Is The International Day To End Violence Against Sex Workers

 

Photo via swop-tuscon.org

Candlelight vigils and images of red umbrellas are popping up all over the world today, The International Day To End Violence Against Sex Workers. There are three Canadian events marking the event that I know of and a full list of International activities can be found here. Nothing happening in Sask, unfortunately. So light a candle and donate to one of the sex workers’ rights organizations below (this list is from the Ottawa event):

Power

Families Of Sisters In Spirit

Chez Stella (Montreal)

Maggies (Toronto)

 Don’t Need Saving Aboriginal Women and Access to Justice

Sex Worker’s Rights A Public Service Announcement From FIRST

Sisters (and Brothers) Doing It For Themselves Report from Kolkata, by Robyn Maynard

Last Rescue in Siam

How to be an ally to Sex Workers

‘Hey Baby, How Much?’ Stop blaming sex workers for street harassment by Juliet November

Sex Work, Migration and Anti-Trafficking Interviews with Nandita Sharma and Jessica Yee

Because Of A Secret Deal Between Feminazis And The American Democratic Party, Let’s Say Mrs. Joe Biden Is A Very, VERY Happy Woman

So, Rush Limbaugh says that a French study that says the man’s average penis size has shrunken over the years due to factors such as poor eating habits, smoking, little or no exercise, air pollution, it’s all bull. Rush Knows All. Rush Sees All. Apparently.

I think it’s feminism… it’s tied to the last 50 years – the average size of [a male’s] member is 10 percent smaller than 50 years – it has to be the feminazis, the chickification and everything else.

Dunno whether this is Rush trying to corner the Howard Stern crowd or another example of him doing what he’s done all his adult life — blame someone else for his personal inadequacies. But given how much Rush is resembling Jabba The Hutt these days, and under the terms of a medical study that says that for every 15 pounds a man is overweight, he loses on inch of his penis length … even for me, that’s too disgusting to think about.

Coinicdentally or not … take it away Dr. Jill Biden, aka Mrs. Joe Biden …

“They Won’t Magically Turn You Into A Lustful Cock Monster”: By Defending Gay Marriage, A Minnesota Vikings Punter Takes The Fun Out Of It For Somebody

If you get your sports information from Rod Pedersen rather than from Deadspin, you probably missed this. The state of Maryland will have a ballot initiative during the next election to allow same-sex marriage. (Personally I don’t understand the opposition. Every time Americans have sex when it’s not being filmed for porn or written for Penthouse Forum, it’s always the same.)

Baltimore Ravens linebacker Brendon Ayanbadaejo is in favor of gay marriage, and has said so. State legislator Emmett C. Burns, Jr. (A Democratic Party member, for the love of mud) wrote to Ravens owner Steve Bisciotti that said football players who disagree with Burns should ‘know their place’ and keep quiet. Kind of like what black people were supposed to do a couple of generations ago before that trouble maker Martin Luther King came along.

Enter, stage left, Vikings punter Chris Kluwe.

I find it inconceivable that you are an elected official of Maryland’s state government. Your vitriolic hatred and bigotry make me ashamed and disgusted to think that you are in any way responsible for shaping policy at any level. The views you espouse neglect to consider several fundamental key points …

Read all about it here. It so shamed Burns that a day later, he says, well, you know I didn’t mean I wanted the Ravens to stifle the ex-Argo, ex-Blue Bomber, and ex-B.C. Lion who eats punks like me for breakfast …

What It Was, Was Girl-On-Girl Football: Rosie’s Live-Blog Of The Regina Rage’s Inaugural Game

(with apologies to Andy Griffith)

Prairie dog commemorated the first ever Lingerie Football Leage game in our fair city by sending our own sports desk guy/self-proclaimed love god, Stephen LaRose, for this event.

Toronto Triumph (32) vs. Regina Rage (40)
Brandt Centre
September 9

7:45 p.m. There’s been a mixup between Greg Beatty, me, and whoever’s handling media relations and promo for the LFL – I thought I was supposed to get comps and/or press passes for tonight’s game, but they merely affix me with a strange stare. So, I get tickets. Bit of a lineup but I get to the counter within five minutes. Says very prominently on my ticket that ‘no recording devices or cameras are allowed,’ but I’m coming through with a giant camera bag and Brandt Centre security doesn’t give me a second look. For all they know or care, I could have brought a methamphetamine lab into the arena.

8:05 p.m. There are two MC’s for the night: one’s some guy trying to affect a British ‘laddie’ accent. They’re trying to give away some swag with a skill-testing quiz. “Name two of the four teams in the Lingerie Football League. I’ll give you a hint. Two of them are playing here tonight. In front of you.” Silence from the approximately 2,500 inside the Brandt Centre. “You’d think we were in Toronto,” says the announcer.

(More on the flip: Don’t worry, It’s all safe for work.)

Continue reading “What It Was, Was Girl-On-Girl Football: Rosie’s Live-Blog Of The Regina Rage’s Inaugural Game”

A Sex Columnist And A Religious Activist Get Chatty

Sex columnist and journalist-activist Dan Savage got in trouble earlier this year when he told a group of student journalists that parts of the Bible were bullshit. Brian Brown, the president of the National Organization for Marriage, an American group that opposes same-sex marriage, took offense and challenged Savage to a debate. Savage accepted, telling Brown they could exchange word’s in Savage’s Seattle home after a home-cooked meal. (Not cooked by Savage himself, but still done in his home.)

The debate has finally been posted online. I’m a little over half an hour in myself and no punches have been thrown. There is a good bit of Brown talking past Savage’s points, but that’s just what I think. The whole thing has been posted in the YouTube video above so you can see for yourself.