That Pop You Just Heard In Central Regina Was My Head Exploding

Editor’s note: the following post contains ripe language and offensive imagery. Seriously it’s really bad. You shouldn’t read it.

Oh for eff’s sake. From the stupidest fucking article I’ve ever read in The Globe and Mail:

Only Stephen Harper and the Conservative Party have shown the leadership, the bullheadedness (let’s call it what it is) and the discipline this country needs. He has built the Conservatives into arguably the only truly national party, and during his five years in office has demonstrated strength of character, resolve and a desire to reform. Canadians take Mr. Harper’s successful stewardship of the economy for granted, which is high praise. He has not been the scary character portrayed by the opposition; with some exceptions, his government has been moderate and pragmatic.

“Moderate and pragmatic”????????? I’m flabbergasted.

This come-stain of an editorial was spurted-out by the editors of Canada’s paper of record, not some dumbass redneck religious fundamentalist from Dumbolt who lost his virginity to a cow’s nostril.

I have sympathy for ignorant, cattle-molesting dolts who were deprived of healthy socialization and competent education because mom and dad used barn-based schoolin’ to teachify junior about cipherin’ and Jesus’ pet “dina-sars.” But for the Cognac-quaffing weasels running The Globe? I don’t think so. What a bunch of jerks.

What kind of cocaine and pill combo produces writing like this? Don’t the Globe’s editors know that Stephen Harper’s government has a zero-tolerance approach to drug use?

My god, the Conservatives spend five years stonewalling reporters and treating the media–including Globe And Mail journos, no doubt–with contempt and The Globe and Mail endorses them? Endorses the political party that’s writhing with religious kooks, misogynists, homophobes, anti-science freaks, red-scare paranoiacs and scandal monkeys, and The Globe And Mail’s editors think they should be given the keys to Canada again?

Are they insane?

What is it about the Conservatives that appeals to G&M‘s simpering, sniveling editors? Is it the Tories’ unsurpassed skill at engineering structural deficits that can be used to legitimize assaults on social programs? The military boosterism–F-35s are a stand-in for aging, bitter editors’ diminished members? Was it the trashing of Toronto with an incompetently-run G20 summit (“we’ll show those young hipsters!”)? The holy-roller-endorsed approaches to what charities and events get funded and what don’t? The childish “lock ’em all up” attitudes towards crime? The complete antipathy to environmental vandalism?

The incoherent drug policy? The hostility and contempt for scientists and academics? Invites to secret sorority blowjob parties? What?

Are the Globe’s editor’s a pack of cocktail-circuit hyenas looking for affirmation and meat scraps from the most mean-spirited and arrogant Canadian political party of the last 20 years? Are they sleazy, grasping, avaricious, venomous quislings on the lookout for their next prestigious perk or appointment?

Is this calculated sucking-up? Or are they just fucking demented?

Are the Globe’s editors even paying attention to the alarmed reporting on this government in their own damn newspaper over the past half-decade?

This editorial is the stupidest fucking thing I’ve ever read in The Globe and Mail. It’s a real “fuck you” to those of us who accurately see Stephen Harper’s Conservatives as a dangerous band of lunatics bent on warping the character of this country into something selfish, suspicious and hateful.

Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrgh!

Author: Stephen Whitworth

Prairie Dog editor Stephen Whitworth will never, ever pass up a chance to make a Breakin’ 2: Electric Boogaloo pun.

14 thoughts on “That Pop You Just Heard In Central Regina Was My Head Exploding”

  1. Come on Stephen, what did you expect? The Globe is nothing if not the voice of the establishment, and the establishment hates change — it’s sorta what makes them the establishment.
    That being said, if I hear one more person bitching about the “liberal” media I may join you in another head-popping moment here in central Winnipeg.
    In the end, I’m not sure it will have much sway. People seem to be in an ornery mood and they’re not much interested in listening to what they’re “supposed to do.”

  2. It is owned by the Thomson family.
    If Steve gets his majority, he will change the law that he went to the supreme court regarding third party advertising in elections (Steven Harper vs Canada).

    If Steve gets his majority, he will continue to reduce corporate taxes, meaning Thomson’s will continue to do well.

  3. Yes, the Globe is Obviously ruled by the almighty dollar. But I hope it backfires on them, myself I’ve lost a ton of respect for the paper over the last while and this just caps it off. I hope others cancel subscriptions and let them know how they really feel. And it looks like many will, you should see the comments on the article. Heads are exploding across Canada.

  4. And yet there’s lots of writing and reporting in the Globe that’s worthwhile, I read their articles all the time. But editorially endorsing the current Conservatives is lunacy. They’re not even real Conservatives. They’re whackjobs.

    But yes, it’s ridiculous that I was surprised. It was late and I was tired.

  5. The only parts of the Globe that I read anymore are John Doyle’s column and the Ken-ken puzzle. Wonder how long Mr. Doyle will survive there.

  6. The Globe’s been on a tear trying to create the ultimate Canadian Male lately: financially pragmatic; aware globally/acts selfishly; inauthentically deferential to tradesmen and never gets his own hands dirty, but acts like tradesmen are magicians to their faces; care more about appearance and skin tone than woman do; drinks fine wines at reasonable prices (ie $40/bottle, preferably on someone else’s dime, in exchange for essential quality time with him); downloads one cutesy recommended Canadian indie track a month for something to chat about with the hipster mailroom guy or doorman; probably conservative, though ultimately above “petty” underclass partisan political posturing (one must do what one must do) and repeats religiously what’s read in the Economist that week. In short, a big effete snob, boring as f*ck, pretentious as hell, useless, annoying, would never defend his country in a war.

  7. What? A corporate media outlet favours a party who governs in favour of corporations over people? NEVER!

  8. You’re right, these Conservatives make Joe Clark and even Brian Mulroney look like tree-hugging bleeding-heart commie pinkos. Because they’re actually the Reform Party. Or did everyone forget that Mr. Harper drafted Preston Manning’s platform which was deemed “too extremely right-wing”? Except that Harper is better at lying and PR, and therefore FAR MORE DANGEROUS. FUCK!!!!!

  9. Well said. But you can’t expect much from the Globe. They pander to the right wing fundamentalists who pay their subscriptions. And look where its headquartered, right in the middle of what has and probably always will be, a traditional hot bed of conservative support. The Globe can’t really be expected to shit where they sleep or maybe they just haven’t seen the light. Which, if the latter is true, is really too bad considering that Healthcare isn’t a very big priority for Mr. Harper.

Comments are closed.